all of my friends are telling me to date my best friend but i (think) have is platonic feelings for them (maybe i choose to think so or maybe it is so). i absolutely love this friendship, don’t wanna ruin it or lose them. but is it a sign? should i give it a shot? i don’t think that they like me ‘like that’. my head’s a mess. what do i do?
12 comments
You need to know where you’re at before you worry about where he’s at. He may be attracted to you but is afraid to ruin the friendship because he doesn’t think you’re interested.
It’s good to be friends with your significant other but sexual/physical attraction, deep emotional connection and intimacy would have to be there. My question to you is, do you see that existing or developing?
But also keep in mind, if you find someone else, do you think this friendship should last out of respect for the other (potential future partner)?
I get it. Your friends probably know you (hopefully) fairly well. You’ve posted quite a few questions that, most likely, indicate that you’re fairly young, and most seem to be asking questions that young people have been asking for decades upon decades. I asked them, too…at one point or another. The bottom line is this…follow your heart, without question. Your friends probably want to see you happy, but they should never PUSH you out of your convictions. If you “choose to think so”, then IT IS SO. If, when you look at this other person, you don’t feel even the slightest twinge of romantic affection…then you don’t. Period. Also, that doesn’t mean you never could. How long have you been friends with this person? A month? A year? 5 years? The longer you’re friends with someone without any “interested” feelings, the less likely you ever will. Take your friends’ opinions with a grain of salt. It’s great they care enough to take this interest, but…at the end of the day…you (and only you) must live with the choices you make. There are no “signs”. Everyone makes their own choices, and therefore must live with the results of those choices. If you don’t feel interested in this other person, then stand your ground, and tell your friends to back off. That should be the end of the discussion.
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When having doubts: don’t do it
Try to focus on something else.
Don’t rush into things quickly… there something called infatuation keep in mind and act accordingly based on facts and reality
Do you want a lover who is NOT also your best friend? People tell me that’s the best possible situation.
But maybe you don’t like sex. Maybe that’s why you prefer a platonic relationship. If that’s the case, that’s okay.
You sound a little bit unprepared right now. It is normal for people to have limiting beliefs surrounding certain subjects as we come of age. Dating, friends, and family are the main areas where people feel these emotions. I would decline and wait for a better opportunity. However, if you find a way to trust your friends enough to feel comfortable and want to date someone, then go ahead they are cheering you on. The problem here, is whichever way you structure the interactions you have with people in your mind is what you will recieve in reality. I can tell you your friends care about you a good amount, no one will be seriously upset regardless of what your decision is. It is in your mind where you have to decide if your friends are helping and you want to trust them, or continue putting up and analyzing this false danger you have in your head. Knowing this, make the decision that feels right to you, and know that it is right, leaving it as is and moving on. Don’t place too much thought or emotion on it. It is just one event to happen in the span of your lifetime.
If you are afraid of ruining a friendship i would not do that.
I think it’s worth a shot. A strong friendship is an essential part of a fulfilling marriage. I think there is a lot to gain if it does work out. You don’t have to “try” for very long or do anything you feel would cross the line physically. Spend time alone together, talk about the future you both want (individually and in a relationship), and do fun things. After a while ask yourself, “Do I want to keep doing more things together? Do I feel like I want to share more of myself? Do I feel accepted by this person?” If the answer is no, then stop. But if the answer is yes, there are deeper questions to consider moving forward. If the answer is I don’t know, then you should figure out what you really want and what matters to you.
Don’t ruin the bro thing! It’s a beautiful to have a true male bro. You may at some point down the line but right now if you’re not into each other you’re not into each other 🤷♀️
I recommend not dating people unless heart soul and mind are on the same wavelength. I used to sometimes date people out of pity, but I think it was a mistake. Some people become your friend just to get close enough in your friend group and all, to pressure you to date them. I don’t like that.