First off, I do love my gf of 3 years and feel as if we are super compatible long-term. Recently, she’s been talking about the future a lot and one of those things is marriage. However, I have decided that marriage is not for me. (I won’t list the reasons here so we do not derail the discussion.)
A few days ago, she asked me “Where is this all going?” So I reframed the question by asking if there was something missing with us. And like clockwork, she gave me the marriage talk. Said she would like us to get married. How do I break it to her that I will never marry anyone? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. And also, I’d like to keep our relationship if possible so I need to maintain my positive image to some extent. How can I have the best negotiating position in my dynamic?
TL;DR Gf wants to get married but I don’t and need to figure out a way to tell her.
6 comments
You be honest and direct with her. Tell her that you care for her but marriage is not in your future. If she wants to be with you as a lifelong companion and partner, then you are open to that, but the legal process of marriage doesn’t appeal to you at all. She will need to decide if the legal document and ceremony means more to her than that. If it does, let her go without guilt or shame. Keep in mind, it is you who changed the dynamics here, and she will have to decide if its a deal breaker for her or not.
You are not super compatible because you want mutually exclusive things.
Tell the truth – you won’t marry ever and explain why.
Expect her to move on. Then you move on too, with someone who shares your view on marriage.
Just tell her you are not the marrying kind!
Tell her ASAP. And when you tell her, tell her you’re not going to change your mind on this.
If you care about keeping the relationship then you also need to present her the alternative future which you see going forward, in perfect detail, for her to know what she’s getting into if she stays with you. This means do you see yourself never co-habiting with someone, do you see yourself having kids, do you see yourself always having separate finances, etc. (Don’t have to answer these to me, I’m just giving you questions to think about for when you talk.) What is the long term vision of life with you? Paint an honest picture and see if she’s on board with it.
Should have told her on day one so she could make her choice. You’re wasting her time trying to find the right words to have your cake and eat it too
If you love her, give her the choice.
Why did you waste her time and not tel her as soon as you knew?