I met 30M on a dating app. We immediately clicked in terms of conversation and have been talking for 2 months, we recently met and went on 4 dates together. He is very sweet generally.
On the third date he got in a huge argument with a guy on the street and almost got out of the car but I stopped him, it was a lot of yelling and made me question who am I actually with.. he seemed to have a lot of anger issues but masks it up with me.
Over the course of these 4 dates I have heard possibly every story of every girl he’s been with and honestly it really dissappointed me hearing all of that, mostly because of the circumstances he did all those things under.
I asked if he had herpes as a joke but.. He said yes. I was shook. He saw it and said its the one type which most of the population has and he had it since he was a child, he can only transfer it to me when hes sick.
I was like okay..
But recently, since he thought he would see this progress, I asked him to take an STD and HIV test, and I’d do it too just so we both feel comfortable and safe. He got very defensive and offended that “you dont trust me at all” and that whole thing guys say. I told him firmly that Ive seen him 4 times and I am 21, I refuse to enter something that could possibly leave me with results that will last a lifetime.
He was insanely offended and accused me of being one of the women who tried to manipulate him, i was shocked because I was very nice and my only goal is to stay safe.
Reddit, whats your take on this?
TL;DR: I asked a guy to take an STD test and he got offended, accusing me of manipulating him.
29 comments
Anyone offended by a request of getting their std results is not worth your time. He already has herpes. He could have HIV too. Don’t risk it. Block and delete him.
This man is going to give you all sorts of lifelong crotch rot 🤢😬 stay away
Move on, it’s early and he’s got red flags. You’ll be fine trust me
This guy is a fucking creep. He’s violent; a 21 year old—almost a decade younger than him—was the reason he didn’t hurt someone.
You’re not manipulating him, you’re setting a boundary to protect your sexual health.
Run. Just run.
Stop seeing him. Block his number. Get rid of him
Move on fast.
Not an unreasonable request in this day and age, HCV test wouldn’t be a bad idea either. If he refuses, adios. He’s manipulative and coercive.
What are you doing? He’s a walking red flag. The anger issues alone should send you running. He won’t be nice to you much longer.
Huge red flag!!!! Stay away if he won’t test. It’s not worth the risk.
Stick to your guns, girl, this guy is manipulative creep.
Avoid avoid avoid. He sounds awful.
So you have like 3 paragraphs of negative things to say about him, and the only positive is “he’s very sweet generally. ”
Why are you still talking to him?
It’s a common misconception that you can only get infected with Herpes when the other person has an outbreak. This is NOT true.
You are less likely to get it, but there is still a chance. Even when you use a condom.
Choose for your health and safety and stay away from this man.
If taking a simple test to get physical with you is already to much to ask, that answers the question how much he cares about you and your health.
Dump him. You can and should do better.
As a man who is slightly older than that guy: What’s wrong with him? I had an STD test at the start of every relationship no matter if I had or hadn’t sex with others since my last relationship. It’s just a form of decency and a reassurance for everyone involved before you go down on each other.
At the beginning and end of every relationship you should both take tests and there’s no harm in regular testing while in a relationship.
You’ve been on four dates, he’s got anger control issues that you’ve witnessed he’s fucked alot of chicks and won’t get an std test, he’s basically not even trying to show his best side so, I’m struggling to understand why you aren’t nipping right out of this stich. How many warnings do you need to exercise you’re autonomy?
Try someone else I think.
Girl. The fact you’re here asking is what he’s been betting on from the start…that you’re too forgiving and unsure of yourself to see what’s right in front of you.
I don’t mean to patronize you, but there’s a reason he isn’t dating a woman closer to his age. It’s because they won’t put up with a violent, angry manchild who doesn’t care to keep his dick clean. All those manipulative ex-girlfriends of his? Sane women.
Don’t waste your time, and seriously – please date nearer your own age, at least for a while. No man of 30 dating almost a decade younger is good news.
Girl, read what you wrote as if a friend was telling you her situation. What would you say? You would say the guy is a creep and to run away.
Why are you trying so hard to date a violent guy a decade older than you with herpes, anger issues, and a long string of worrisome past relationships?
Girl, move on.
Anger issues are bad enough. Not taking a totally reasonable test is even worse. He doesn’t worth time
He’s not “very sweet”.
He’s an irresponsible, angry dude who talks too freely about his past partners and gets defensive about one of the most basic elements of safe sex- routine screening .
He’s dating out of his age bracket because women closer to his age would be more likely to dip almost immediately upon hearing too much information about prior partners (especially with disturbing circumstances). If he’ll talk like this *to* you, he’ll talk like this *about* you.
The only test I was ever nervous about taking are the ones that I don’t think I’d pass.
He’s behaving like this early in the relationship, it will likely get worse. If he doesn’t want to put your mind at ease, he won’t be a good partner.
That anger you saw? It *will* be directed at you one day if you stay with him. You are too young to be with him, anyway. These two things and his reaction to your reasonable request for STD testing is more than enough for you to save yourself a ton of grief and get away from him now.
Red flag #1 30 year Olds generally don’t date 21 year olds
Red flag #2 he shows anger issues and major mood swings and nearly beat the shit out of someone on the street instead of driving away, shows immaturity and a lack of emotional development
Red flag #3 he has talked, probably poorly, about several previous GFs. He’s the common denominator of all the “crazy girls”
Red flag #4 he is projecting an gaslighting you into thinking you’re wrong from wanting to be comfortable moving forward after he admitted to having at least 1 std
Red flag #5 you say he is very sweet, is he very sweet or love bombing? It’s a very common tactic to take hold of someone emotionally
I’m sure you can find more if you think about it. Break up over text/phone call, do not see him again, if he continues contact get a restraining order.
This is your friendly reminder not to have people over to your house before you get a good feel for their vibe. Hopefully you haven’t.
Common mistake, you appear to be dating a giant pile of red flags disguised as a man
Why are you wasting your time?
Nevermind the STD test. That’s just icing on the cake. Three dates in and you have to pull your date – a man nearly 10 years older than you – away from a street fight?
You can very easily find a guy who won’t get into street brawls AND will take a STD test no problem AND won’t give you his entire dating history in 4 dates.
Seriously, lift your bar off the floor.