I am leading a young adult community and I love fostering these relationships, but some of them are hard to navigate. The group is intentionally open to everyone, nonexclusive, in part for the hope that those YAs that might not have as strong of friendships might gain those through this group.
One fellow has started coming and has the intention of continuing, but this guy is LOUD. I hosted the group at my house and I moved us into the basement because my roommate was going to bed and I couldn’t find a way to keep the group’s volume at a reasonable level. Even in the basement, the noise level rose to the point that I could hear my roommate moving around, unable to sleep, which never happens: the man can sleep through most anything
I’m not good with the decibel scale, but I’m pretty sure this guy’s excited shouts are easily above 90 decibels; my ears were genuinely hurting any time he piped up.
I tried continuously asking him- and others- to bring the noise level down, which he would comply with until something excited him or he had a joke to say (which was constantly) and it would return to the shouting-so-Im-heard thing. On top of that, he likes to control the conversation a lot.
I appreciate his energy, but we have multiple attention-seeking personalities in the group and some folks don’t get much time to speak up because of this. I know some folks enjoy people watching, but I also have some people that genuinely can’t handle that level of energy and chaos and quickly leave once it gets too rowdy. He’s genuinely a great guy and extremely intelligent, but he lacks social awareness and is one of the most obtrusive people I’ve met. I want him to stay, but I know many of the group would choose not to come if this behavior continues
Kind of a side-ask, but are there any suggestions on how I can encourage everyone to help cultivate conversation that include those who may not normally be willing to pipe up as much?
And how I should specifically address my boisterous friend?