I’m not married (yet), but right now i’m experiencing a dry spell with my gf of 2 years. I feel like our love life has gone astray but she still enjoys and desires intimacy. As of now, we’ve only had sex once in over a month and I know it’s not my libido (I masterbate at least 3 times a day).
I love her a ton, however being in each others company its starting to feel more like a friendship (to me atleast). I like talking with her, I like the kind of person she is, I envy her compassion because thats something I don’t have. She always finds the good in someone even when I don’t see it. I truly value her as a person.
I’m very kinky and there are things I want to try that i’ve never told her about, but it seems like she’s only into vanilla sex. I’ve dated girls in the past where I never felt weird about trying anything wild with them, they always gave me that “I’m down with it” energy. I never felt that from my gf, don’t think it’s there.
Anyone ever dealt with this before?
27 comments
If there are things in your sexual imagination that you can’t communicate to your prospective life-partner, you need to put the engagement on pause until you’re both adult enough to talk about that stuff.
2 years is all.. man love your partner and remember to communicate and have fun. Don’t be worried about your flame till you’re 10+ years and only if you’re both unhappy..
After only 2 years? Me and the hubby didn’t hit a dry spell until like year 12 or 13. As I’ve mentioned, we don’t have an intimate relationship, which I hate, we don’t talk much, I’m not sure how this is supposed to last and we don’t have sex often, maybe once a month to every 6 weeks, but when we do it’s 🔥🔥.
At two years, I feel as though you should still be going strong, learning each other, discovering new likes and dislikes. That only happens by being comfortable and being able to have discussions.
Talk about things with her, use the sandwich method if you have to, which is using a positive, negative, positive in a conversation.
Talk about what you like, talk about what you’d like to try, let her know your hungry for her and want not only more frequency but to explore new things.
The short answer is yes, you can rekindle the flame. The longer answer really requires you to look at the relationship and what you’re doing to love each other. You can’t rekindle anything unless you put in a lot of work.
Ooh definitely not a good foundation to carry on a life long relationship. If you’re not comfortable with how things are then you need to move on and find someone that reciprocates your sexual preferences.
Try one of those sex quizzes together, where you each answer how willing you would be to try different things, and the computer tells you both where you have overlaps.
I always thought my wife was sexually conservative but it turns out she isn’t: She is just very submissive.
Have you asked her why you aren’t having sex? Have you talked to her about the things you’d like to try in bed?
Not sure ever had a dry spell but couple of years ago did Mojoupgrade.com and discovered a lot about her willingness to try atuff and we have rocketed into a new world. Been great.
But man..2 years in and no kids…it sounds like it’s going nowhere. Ex of mine ended up in that space and it was horrible. Wofe has been in that situation too and it was kinder to end it. We have sex most days now after 18 years of marriage. Sex is important to both of is and we work at it when needed.
So get a divorce and go get a new girlfriend
2 years and already going through a dry spell? 11 years here and never had a dry spell
Married or not it can happen but just 2y into a relationship seems odd to me
You can re-kindle a flame but you cannot ignite a dead pool of wax.
BREAK. UP.
It definitely comes in waves. Sometimes we have high libido lots of sex and some times we go through dry spells. I do think that if you are compatible and love each other then you should be able to share your kinky side with her. You never know what she is into if you don’t ask questions and communicate. She might surprise you. Maybe she is also bored and that’s why it’s feeling that way. Maybe she won’t share your kinks but that is something you wanna know before you get married. I know it is uncomfortable to be vulnerable but you will have to if you want to be close and sexual with your partner for a long time.
I don’t see that anybody has touched on this part yet. But masturbating three times a day isn’t going to help your love life. Maybe you should cut back on the number of times you masturbate or quit all together for a while? Do you use porn when you masturbate? Cut back on porn usage.
Maybe plan a sexy getaway together. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
And above everything else, communication. I saw from the comments that neither of you are very good in this area. It takes practice. Possibly some counseling.
> she’s only into vanilla sex
This isn’t Re-kindling. She needs kindling.
Hi there, I’m a somatic coach specializing in intimacy in relationships, sex, kink (and how these things often intersect for neurodivergent humans). It’s more common than you’d think for people to hit a dry spell. It often means the couple hasn’t prioritized intimacy and eroticism in their relationship. It’s absolutely something you can rekindle though!
It is possible to RE-kindle the flame if your sex life was great but life got in the way but you can’t really kindle a flame that was never there in the first place.
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“it seems like she’s only into vanilla sex…. I never felt that from my gf”
Every relationship needs some effort. Friendships included. Every couple hits a dry spell. You need to make conscious effort to make sure that the dry spell does not last.
Yes! It wasn’t great for a long time (bad work schedules, young kids, physical issues). But it started getting better last year and has kicked into a higher gear recently. I’m making her squirt, we’ve added some restraints to the bed (but haven’t used them yet), and we’ve started some light anal play. I know she’s using the toys on her own (nearly every weekday) and reading a bunch of trashy romances. I suspect those are playing a big part, so I’m reluctant to push back on her lying about her solo sessions.
Do you think your expectations may be tainted by pornography? Is that putting a lot of pressure on you GF to be more than what’s realistic? That is a major cause of problems in relationships.
2 years isn’t that long… you need to start putting yourself out there and attempting communication or break up if it’s not working
Get it out of your hand and into her, goober
I don’t know if our flame ever went out… but it dwindled…. we are currently in an amazing place now. 3 kids, 3 jobs, and 11+ years between us.
1. Communication. I told her I need more physical contact. I want to touch daily. She didn’t want to feel pressured to sex daily. So we made a deal. No sex during the week*. But still snuggling touch, rubbing. Etc.
2. Sex on the weekend. We average 2-3 times a week.
Pretty much guaranteed on Friday and usually either Saturday or Sunday. We keep it light and mix it up. New positions, new kinks, new “moves” to initiate, etc…
Sex still does happen during the week, tends to be more spontaneous and quick. But still fun.
3. Work together, tell her what you need and want and listen to what she needs or wants. Then do it and if you can go above and beyond. Make her day when ever you can.
2 years in is around the time NRE wears off. This is probably how she will be sexually for the rest of the time y’all are together. Do with that what you will.
Read the book *Mating in Captivity* by Esther Perel!
I haven’t finished your post yet but to answer ur question. Yes. me and my husband have been together almost 16 years. iv always loved him but recently i completely fell in love with him again and he feels the same! we flirt go on dates act giddy. it feels knew again and couldn’t be happier! affection is very important!!
Just be honest, with her and yourself.
Your inability to speak your truth is killing your relationship.
You have nothing left to lose.
Tell her your truth, she will surprise you.
Set boundaries, safe words….
Communicate!
And above all, speak with love and honesty first.