Hi!
I (31F) have been seeing a 30F gentlemen for over 2 weeks now. We matched on a dating app and hit-it off almost immediately. We have a lot of things in common and our conversations seem endless. We even are looking for the same things. We met the day after we matched and have been out on 3 dates.
The thing is, we are both the same height. I didn’t initially see it as a problem when we matched but when we met, I got a little awkward about it. For example, holding hands and hugging is very very weird with him. I have never dated a guy who wasn’t at least a little taller than me. I tried not to focus on that part and really tried to connect with him despite that. In no way am I saying he’s bad looking or he’s not great for me. He’s great, he’s really great. But I don’t feel attracted to him at all. I don’t feel any physical chemistry with him. I have been someone who needs immediate physical chemistry or a vibe to really feel something, and I’m just not getting it. I thought maybe it will come in eventually, so I’ve been talking to him and meeting him but we are 3 dates in, and there’s still nothing. 🙁
Should I continue and chalk this out to just a mental block or should I end it?
24 comments
End it.
I think chemistry is very important in the early stages of dating. I think both of you deserve to be with someone who’s ridiculously attracted to them, especially in the early stages. I’d end it if you really don’t feel any attraction or chemistry.
It does not matter. If you are asking yourself this question, you arent into him.
I saw a couple the other day where the woman was taller than man and honestly they looked like a cute af couple so just my 2 cents
Classic
It’s a bit shallow. He’s the same height, not shorter. And if you date purely off of height, you’ll find yourself sometimes missing out on great guys.
That being said, if you’re not into someone, you’re not into them. Just end it. But do it the mature way. Don’t ghost.
If you aren’t attracted to him, end it.
That being said, I think it’s awful that women have a height expectation. I’m a 5’10 ” female and have dated men shorter than me, or the same height my whole life.
I absolutely could not imagine choosing not to date someone because they were the same height as me.
You’re allowed to have your preferences, but I really hope one day women will stop giving a fuck
Why would you potentially want a relationship w someone you’re not attracted to? That sounds insanely awkward and uncomfortable imo
End it and stop wasting his time over something he can never change
I won’t say you’re an ass for having these feelings but I will opine this is an immature attitude.
Physical attraction wanes & waxes, & futures are not built on “hot or not” sparks. You’re praising this man through your whole post except for feeling awkward about his height, which is a feeling YOU are feeling. He’s probably on cloud nine.
Go on more dates with him. Let more emotional intimacy build up.
It sounds like you’re simply not into him enough, and he just so happens to be shorter than you. Which, being 5’10″(f), I can understand as well. Not that there’s anything ‘wrong’ with preferring that your partner be taller than you per se. Sure, they can’t change it, but.. neither can people change their natural hair colour/race or what have you but we all have preferences that are usually not driven 100% by the physical attribute itself.
I don’t mind the guy being shorter- my ex of 7 years was shorter than me and I paid the height difference no mind. However, I’m ngl… I don’t miss the snarky comments people had no issue making on a semi regular basis!
Really short guy here. I have experience with this situation.
You should probably end it as soon as possible if you don’t feel you can get over it. Don’t give him any BS excuses. Regardless what you say he will know it’s his height. So just tell him the attraction isn’t there, you should be honest if he questioned if it’s the height. The BS excuse will just hurt a lot more.
Don’t go on dates with people you’re not attracted to.
So, you’d definitely get used to the hugs. My boyfriend is shorter than me and his hugs are the best. Sometimes, it’s a bit different when having my arm around him because I have to be the one who does the hand above.
But if you’re not attracted to him, then that’s okay. It’s completely fine. You don’t have to feel shame for it.
Don’t mean to seem rude but are you saying that if he was taller, you’d definitely be attracted to him? As in his height is literally the only thing that is preventing you from being attracted to him?
I’m not a person that is super hung up on height so idk. It just seems like if you were attracted to him in the first place, his height wouldn’t matter. I know many women prefer a guy who is taller than them but that is completely different than saying that you don’t find a short person attractive at all.
It’s important that you’re attracted to him. It doesn’t matter the reason. If you were my friend I’d probably encourage you to try, but I also completely recognize you can’t make yourself be attracted to someone.
The guy deserves someone who’s into him and that’s not you. End it.
I wouldn’t consider someone of equal height to be “short”. If he were actually shorter than you that’s a different story. You’re not used to someone his height and that’s okay. But if you don’t feel any physical attraction then you’re just not into him. And that’s ok too. As great as he may be, you can’t fake attraction and that is important in a relationship.
No you are not the asshole. We all have our preferences
No you’re not attracted to him. I feel the same way if they are shorter then me. I’m only 5’4 so it doesn’t happen much but when it does it makes me feel kinda manly and big. It’s not their problem it’s more like, I feel so huge.
Yeah, it’s a petty reason to end it with a guy who you’ve described as suitable in every other way. And based on your description of yourself, you really aren’t in a position to be super picky.
That said, if you’ve already decided you aren’t attracted to him, then you’re just wasting his time by continuing to see him. Let him be with someone that can actually appreciate him.
It’s fine to have preferences because even though they are you’re ideal things you look for, it demonstrates you are willing to overlook those characteristics for the sake of the person.
It is NOT fine to have requirements, which is what you are describing here.
It is even worse when you have requirements about people who don’t have any control over the facets you want in them.
So, yes, you are an asshole. But that doesn’t mean you should be forced to stay with him.
Better to be an asshole and break up over superficial values than pretend nice and stay with him
>I don’t feel any physical chemistry with him. I have been someone who needs immediate physical chemistry or a vibe to really feel something, and I’m just not getting it. I thought maybe it will come in eventually, so I’ve been talking to him and meeting him but we are 3 dates in, and there’s still nothing.
Physical chemistry is something so hard wired in the brain that you can’t force it. You can’t change this part of your brain any more than he can change his height. Of course there are surgeries that can make you taller and you could train yourself to fixate on height less, but I’m pretty sure it’d be easier for you to just move on. NTA.
>But I don’t feel attracted to him at all. I don’t feel any physical chemistry with him.
Just because he is nice, doesn’t mean you have to like him. You can have reservations when dating. Just stop wasting both of your time.