I’m in therapy and I’ve had an incredibly depressing summer. While pushing through that I’m also actively working through some of my deepest traumas. Which is a huge accomplishment to get to this point but it’s not an easy part. So bc of this I’m struggling with sharing to him really bad memories that randomly come up for me. I don’t mean to it just come spit of me and I don’t want to be this way. It does feel like oversharing and wanting someone to prop me up. I don’t want to put that on someone else I know it’s up to me but I feel abandoned when he doesn’t respond and I feel very angry and shut down right now. How can I stop over sharing and is it too much to want him to respond by just saying wow it sounds like you’re reliving some hard stuff I’m sorry that happened to you but let’s focus on the present. If he just moved on after saying something like that I would get the message that it’s overwhelming and a helpful reminder that I don’t have to relive that stuff.. I don’t know I’m truly just struggling so badly and spiraling. I’m just feeling the need to completely shut down for the rest of the day but I know that isn’t right.
How do I stop oversharing and provide comfort for myself?
TL;DR Im having trouble sharing bad memories and I know I need to not overshare but I’m also upset when I’m completely ignored by my partner
2 comments
If your boyfriend’s not responding the way you’d prefer, maybe consider other outlets.
* If you have any close friends or family members who you trust, can you talk to them?
* Are you open to journaling? Writing out your memories can be a great way to chronologize them so you don’t forget later. Plus, you can assess how your thoughts and feelings about those memories change (or stay the same) over time.
* Even just talking out loud – to a wall, a pillow, or a stuffed animal – can be therapeutic.
That aside, have you talked to your boyfriend about this situation and heard from him how HE feels about sharing your memories and traumas, and why he reacts the way that he does? Because better understanding his perspective will not only be the first step towards figuring out a path towards improved communications with your significant other, but it’ll help you have a more firm understanding of your overall relationship with him, rather than being left to make assumptions about why he’s so unresponsive.
Have you told him how you would like him to respond? This stuff is a lot. So my guess would be he has no idea how to respond or how to tell you if he isn’t in the space to support you.
Slow down and check in with him before you share. Give him a easy way to say he’s not in the right mindset to support. Give him some examples of what he could say that would help you feel heard.