My (29F) boyfriend (33M) is a very friendly and charismatic guy. He has a lot of friends that are girls and talks frequently about them, how he admires them or how great they are. He’s also not been shy about telling me who he found attractive before he met me.
What he’s not good at is telling me what he finds attractive in me, he’s not good at compliments to my face. He does tell me he loves me, but it seldom feels like… heartfelt. It’s usually a “loveyoubye” before running out the door in the morning.
What I will get, though, is this: I would say something is lovely or amazing and he’ll answer back: “you’re amazing.” and hug/kiss me. And that’s been a cute little flirt, but that’s the only like flirty comments I’ll get from him.
A couple of nights ago we had some friends over for dinner and out of nowhere he pulls the same flirty thing on a girl when she compliments the food. The room became very awkward and luckily one of our other friends saved it. I was a bit stunned to be honest. It feels like either he doesn’t see that as flirting, or he has a much more flirty tone with his female friends than I expected.
To be clear I don’t put this on the girl at all.
Any advice on how to talk to him about this? I have tried bringing it up before, but it somehow feels petty. I feel secure in our relationship overall. But my emotional needs of encouragement and flirting isn’t being met.
I’m also 5months pregnant which he’s excited about.
TL;DR: How do I talk with my boyfriend about flirting/giving me compliments? He’s not shy about telling me how great other women are, and flirts with them.
2 comments
I’m confused. What exactly did he say to her in front of everyone?
I am surprised that you’re okay with this. You didn’t tell him that flirting with other women is unacceptable. It’s not like he cannot control himself. You have to tell him that this is not how you want to be treated. You don’t want your partner to be constantly complimenting other women but not you. If he’s willing to change, it can work. If he isn’t, there are too many sensible and thoughtful people out there for you to tolerate this behaviour.