Happily married to my (m29) wife (f28). Not a big issue at all here and I just want to ask some advice on how to communicate my feelings to her.
We have sex 1-3x a week, which is great! We have a really healthy sex life and relationship and I don’t want anything to change really!
My gripe that I’m trying to work through is thus:
She is somewhat a selfish lover, most times we have sex, I’ll initiate and usually finger her until she’s ready to have sex. I have no trouble getting or maintaining an erection during this time, but she is sort of caught up in the moment and doesn’t touch me. So I bring her to orgasm with my hands and then we go penetrative sex. Other times she asks for her dildo and masterbates for a while until she wants to have sex (sometimes she may give me oral whilst using the dildo which is amazing). Once we are in penetrative sex, she likes to be on top with a vibrator on her clit, which is pretty good but sometimes the vibes numb my sensations down there, so again it’s sort of for her.. this is really sexy to watch again
I love watching her enjoy herself and would be happy if our current setup continued to be honest, but when she doesn’t want to have sex, like period week or just doesn’t fancy it, she won’t perform oral or handjobs. So it does feel like I am a bit of a sub but not getting much out of it tbh.
She recently (within the last few years) got a lot more into her sexuality, and I think early on in our relationship she felt sort of obliged to give oral if she wasn’t feeling it, and sometimes had sex when she wasn’t 100% into it which I feel shit about. I bought the dildo and other toys for her to regain control of that side of her because I love and support her. I’ve mentioned a few times that i feel rushed into sex after she’s finished with the dildo, but I think she gets caught up in the moment and jumps onto me. And honestly this makes me feel great and wanted, but annoyingly makes me cum quite fast.
2 comments
Talk it through with her if possible.
Make sure you’re emotionally affectionate 🤗
>Other times she asks for her dildo and masterbates
She asks, what happens when you ask for something in bed?
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>when she doesn’t want to have sex, like period week or just doesn’t fancy it, she won’t perform oral or handjobs.
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>sometimes had sex when she wasn’t 100% into it which I feel shit about.
These two statements seem contradictory. Are you bothered that she doesn’t do things purely for your enjoyment, or do you feel like shit when she does?
That leads to a question, how do you feel about doing things just for her pleasure