Me (20M) and my Ex (21F) love story ended up changing our lives and even 4 years later i don’t know if is the right time to date again.

Hey, I’m not really sure if this is the right subreddit, but I wanted to tell my story and receive some advice. Sorry, this is a long one.

The year was 2018, i was at the time just a 20 year old boy in law school with a dream. A dream to get laid. All of my friends had girlfriends and love talking about how great the sex was, me on the other hand, was still a virgin. They didn’t shame me because of that, but i did feel excluded in some of the conversations.

Well, one day, out of the blue, a friend of mine send me a message saying that a friend of his wanted to meet me. She was a classmate of his and she saw me around college and i became her crush.

The first red flag was right there, the first thing my ex asked our commom friend was if I was protestant (I’m catholic). At the time i thought this was normal, but bear with me on this.

I was horny and she had a nice ass and fake breasts, so i decide to meet her. We hitted of very well. She told me that she was involved in her church and was vegan (but 15 minutes later she ate a sausage, second red flag, keep counting). I asked for her number and she gave it to me, next thing i know we kissed a week later and had sex the day after (in my car….in the college’s parking lot).

It was a young and excited romance, but it had some downsides. Everytime after sex she would tell me that it was wrong and that we wouldn’t do it again(but we never stopped, third red flag?). Not only that, but she was also jealous of some of my girl friends, i dind’t minded, i thought it was cute (silly me, definitely a red flag).

After 1 month of this I asked her to be my girlfriend and meet her parents. I wanted her to know that i was serious about her. I was young and well, maybe in the beginning i was just horny but now i really cared about that girl.

She told me about how her mother only showed love to her older brother and how her father was emotionally absent (mother and daddy issues, the color red keeps coming back). She had sex before me because when she lost faith when she discovered that her mother lied about marrying her father a virgin; but sweared that it was just once…(now i know that she also had sleeped with her cousin)

She was a kinda fat (just from the sides), but had surgery. I honestly think now that she thought the surgery would wash all her insecurities away…Unfortunaly, if the mind is not healthy, doesn’t matter what you do with the body.

Back to us. After such a tragic backstory i wanted to take care of her, and i did; it began with me being horny but now i loved her….

I thought i could heal her… we went together to her church (even though i made it clear that i would stay catholic, Saint Anthony is my man), i went on endless dates with her, i picked her up everyday for us to go to college together… I wasn’t perfect, it was my first relationship, i had no experience but i was trying my best, we were happy or so i thought, (how about another red flag?)

We were 6 months together at that point when one day after college i went to her house. We were at her room when she asked me to sit on her bed with her. She said that we needed a break because we were to close, she was felling suffocated.

That broke me, i was in shock, and my nature reaction was to cry (i almost never cry, until this day, its very very rare). Seeing my cry she also cried and hugged me. She said she was sorry and to forget everything she said.

I made a bad decision that day, instead of communicating i just accepted that she changed her mind.

If i were to tell everything bad that happen after that i would stay days writting, maybe in another post, but you guys need to know that after that day we had another 6 okay months, but that last 7-8 months were like hell.

We had no sex life in the last months of our relationship because i was so tired of college, internship and dealing with her. I couldn’t perform, i could only last one minute or less… i tried to pleasure her using other ways but she reject my oral because in her words “you only want to do it in me so i feel obligated to do it in you”.

I was in a bad shape, mind and body. She was in war mode, in her mind it was “her against the world”. Everyone was out there to get her. And had a lot of mood swings, one week she was fine, the other she wanted me to drive like a maniac to get somewhere in time (i am a very chill driver and yes, red flags).

She broke up with me 4 times after that.

The first time i reacted fine, she was the one who asked me to come back. (we were 1 year and 4 months together)

The second time, i was a little unstable, we both decided to get back together. (We were 1 year and 6 months)

Now, the third time (1 year and 7 months together)…. i don’t know what it was. Something changed in me after the last 2 break ups. I mean, i was fine and now i wasn’t. I was so scared of losing her. I was scared to talk, to make mistakes because she would get angry. I just wanted to be in peace with her. Maybe my passiviness enabled her to treat me badly, but there is no excuse for how she was acting towards me.

In the eve of my birthday at night i was in my room and she was in college doing a subject that she failed. A friend of ours sent me a text saying that my ex was flirting with another guy in class.

I send her a message saying that people were noticing what she was doing and i didn’t like the disrespect. (yes, my concerns were that people would think i am a lesser man, not that she was trying to cheat, but in my defense she made me feel insecure about myself)

She turned the tables at me and said that i knew that she liked to feel desired and she wouldn’t cheat on me, then she dared me to break up with her if i was a man. Guess what? I couldn’t….

I was the one who said he was sorry… she was in the wrong, now i know, but at the time my only thought was of not losing her…. worst birthday ever… (red flag on the cake)

One week later she suggested that we could try once again, but in a open relationship, i just wanted to be together with her…so i said yes, but told her that i wouldn’t to anything with anyone else.

I don’t know if she cheated on me or had other guys during the last month, but in the last 7 months of us being together she would not leave her cellphone around me and refused to let me see it when i asked her once. (All salute the Red Flag)

She finally broke up with me for the last time and i warned her that i wounld’t accepted her again. She wanted to be friends, she wanted the rides to continue and the cellphones calls too. It was hard for me, because i was trying to keep her away but couldn’t. Then… she started telling me about the sex she was having with other men…… That was it for me.

I talked to my friends and made me a tinder account, this was 3 months after the break up. I started going out and kissing girls and after almost 2 years of her making me feel like dying (just a expression, never thought of ending myself or any type of selfharm) I was feeling genuine happy again.

And then… the lockdown happen… and my mother had cancer. It was a time of self discovery and I thank God that we all survived this (my mother is fine now, 100% cancer free). A few months into the pandemic my ex tried to reach me and needed someone to talk. I decide to take the highroad and help her, but then she said “if we get back together you will have to stop talking with John and Jack” (2 of my best friends that hated her).

All of the bad fellings came back, the anxienty, the feeling of thinking i was worse than a worm. I was not going to let her control me ever again! It was time for my freedom cry. I said “Girl, i will be honest with you, we are never going back together.”

She started crying and blamming me for not let her live her fantasy when she was in a bad state.

And that was it, we talked a few time after that but nothing serious.

She moved to the US to work as a babysitter and found a boyfriend (she will probably try to have a baby to stay there). Apparently she is an atheist and smokes marijuana now. (i have no problem with that, but i was the liberal one and she would try to fight me because of some of my political stances, she had a MAGA cap and now look at her!)

She told she was religious and vegan, but no, she was the devil himself eating my flesh while i was still alive.

Now let’s stop the free hate on her. She was just a broken and depressed girl that pushed me down because she was sick. She never had a stable home, she never knew what love was and that’s why she is now alone in another country. She needed help, i try to help her and failed. I really want her to find her own peace and to happy, everyone deserves this, even her.

Now, to the advice part. It’s been 4 years… and i am happy. I have a good job and just started my masters. But I feel like it is time to date someone else. I just not really sure. I have someone in mind, an intern of my last job. She is great, but her last 2 best friends ruined their friendship wanting something more. Do i risk it? Or do i wait someone that makes me certain that i want to date? The problem is that i am starting to feel a little bit lonely and just kissing random girls is not helping.

Thank you for reading my story! Remember know how much you are worth Kings and Queens!