How should I (25M) deal with the fact that my GF(24F) is doing sex scenes in a show she is acting in?

47 comments

1. If her dream is to become a porn star, you should reconsider your relationship.
   If your dream was to become a porn star, would she support you?

2. Gas lighting you brah, she should have at least told you beforehand

3. Your boundary is your boundary. If you can’t deal with it, move on. Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be.

   I will only point out that it sounds like she’s desperate for her big break, and any work in her industry is better than none.

   Lots of celebrities’ started in softcore, or in roles that are embarrassing to them. I think she didn’t tell you because this isn’t the role she ultimately wants, she was embarrassed, and she knew you would take it badly.

   Hopefully it is just a quick stepping stone for her and she gets the fame and career she wants.

4. You don’t deal with it. You move on, this girl is lying about what she’s doing because she knows you wouldn’t like it. If she wants to be a porn star then she’s gotta be up front with her partners. Can’t even call that crap acting, it’s basically cheating with a camera present.

5. You’ve obviously voiced that you’re not okay with this. She has a choice, she either continues or stops. If she continues you should end it because that’s clearly something you don’t like.

   I’d also be concerned about the lying and hiding the facts from you because she knew you wouldn’t like it. If that’s how she resolves potential conflict that’s not gunna be good down the road.

6. Please leave her and find a nice girl that doesn’t lie to you, you deserve that.

7. id be out. Bye bye!

8. well what is it?
   a soft core sex scene or just a sex scene in a program?

   if its full nudity, im guessing its more soft core porn..
   infact are you even sure its soft core and she isn’t going into anything a bit more.. hard core?

   not sure id trust what she says atm

9. I would tell her the truth. If you didn’t think that this was an issue why lie about it. This is the center of it all. It wouldn’t be about the sex scene. I would tell her why she felt the need to lie and go from there. She broke your trust by lying and needs to earn it back. This is the narrative you need to enforce. I would probably break up because of the lying and the reason for lying.

   If you don’t break up, I would ask a bunch question like are you both nude? What protection is there from this become actual porn? How long is the scene, talking a few seconds or a straight 15 mins? Is this a tender sex scene or more hardcore scene? Are you bringing family to the show? Am I allowed to watch the show? I am sure there are more questions but you get the point.

   The main point is find out the reason for lying. This will either drive home the break up or lead you to a better place. Unfortunately I do not see any good from her reasons. I hope the best for you.

10. You might want to rethink if this is the girl for you. You don’t have to stay with someone that lied and hiding things like this from you. I would definitely dump this girl. You will be ok without her.

11. I think the relationship is pretty much done.

    I get why she is doing this – acting is hard. It’s a very, very tough field and you’ll never know where your break comes from.

    She isn’t at a point where she can pick and choose.

    This is what she wants to do – it seems as if you aren’t comfortable with it.

    Coupled together with the fact that she had lied about it to you, she knew you wouldn’t like it and made a choice.

    You should too. If this isn’t something you can handle, you should leave. You won’t be a bad person for doing that.

12. You are both young. She wants to be an actress and do nude/sex scenes, you don’t want a girlfriend who does nude/sex scenes. Neither of you is technically wrong, you’re just incompatible. It sounds as if this is a deal breaker for you and you know what needs to happen.

    For me, the deal breaker wouldn’t be having my girlfriend do a nude scene, it would be that she lied about the nature of the film.

13. >She thinks I’m over reacting as it is just “acting” but the fact is the show and platform that she agreed to work in usually produce soft core porn kinda shows which do not have any meaningful plot whatsoever.**She even lied to me about the show and the platform.**

    “Listen, I think this isn’t going to work. It’s time to go our separate ways.”

14. Didn’t you post this a while ago? Does she perform opera?

15. She is going down a dangerous path. I’ve been in your GF’s shoes, I was picked up by a modelling agency for print ads, then dug my toe into acting (aka took acting classes). The problem is, unless you work with well known, elite modelling agencies (and even then it can happen), the more obscure agencies will proposition you with gigs that involve nudity and sexuality. It’s up to the person to go down that line or cut their losses and move on from the industry.

    I said hell no and that was that, nudity was not something I was willing to do, to achieve my dreams. But had I gone down that path, I would have understood it if my partner chose to part ways with me, because it’s not just acting. If you really want to get somewhere, the sexuality doesn’t stop with the role, most times you will have to do “favors” for the whole crew involved in the “production”, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, nobody is actually going to give you the role. I’m saying all this because I want you to know that you are right to feel uneasy about her choices, it doesn’t mean that you are no longer supporting her dreams.

    As for what to do, well there’s not much you can do. You already made it clear how you felt, now it’s up to her to choose what’s more important. The prospect of a career in the industry is very appealing, I can see how she’s blinded by it. But I don’t know if she understands exactly what will be involved, down the road. Should she choose this career though, don’t compromise your own values just to keep the relationship, because you’ll end up being miserable. Stay true to your own values and goals, and if that means parting ways, so be it. She needs to understand that not everybody is ok with having their partner get naked on the job, and that’s ok.

16. If I was to interpret this in the best light, I’d suspect your gf is a bit naive and also very excited about being an actress. She knows this is not an ideal gig, but she’s desperate to get her foot into acting and considers this necessary to further a carrier as an actor. Though, she might be taken advantage of, and have a faulty impression this will help her become an actor.

    Your pushback is making her upset, because she thinks if she has to give up this job, that means she loses what she thinks is a genuine chance to become an actor full time. I guess try to tell her calmly that this isn’t a good path to become an actress, and that there will be other opportunities is one way to go? She might gradually change her mind with time if she at some level know what you say has truth in it. Or she’ll just do it anyway. Regardless, that’s what I would do. And if she ended up doing it anyway, that might be the end of the relationship

17. Shit well that’s a hard one.. if she’s partaking in any soft porn bs I would be having the it’s me or the job talk fuck that..

18. No lie I’d be done immediately. Not just bc that is uncomfortable as hell for a committed, long-term relationship, but bc she also wasn’t transparent with you. She probably knew you’d be weirded out, or that her elective decision isn’t generally viewed as OK. This is like the 90s version of onlyfans but with other people physically present.

    Sketchy behavior for a totally optional, not career making or breaking decision.

    I’d be out yesterday. Sorry you’re dealing with this dude. I feel you, but you’ll find someone awesome in due course.

19. Are you literally talking about a porn studio? Or is it like a racy TV show? Because there is a huge difference between the two.

20. Break up. She lied about it and is trying to manipulate you by saying you aren’t “supporting her dreams”. If she wants to do these sort of shows, more power to her, but she has to realize that her actions have consequences and she doesn’t get to have her cake and eat it too.

21. Doing nude sex scenes while in a relationship is okay

    Not being okay with your partner doing nude sex scenes is okay

    Lying to your partner about doing nude sex scenes because you know he won’t be okay with you doing nude sex scenes is NOT okay

22. I would only point out that if it wasn’t a problem she would have been open and honest with you as soon as she knew.

23. Man end this shit.

    I wholeheartedly understand where you are coming from, but on the flip side this is what actors/actresses do sometimes. Doesn’t mean that you have to deal with it.

24. I think for me, it’d really depend on how professional this is all done. I watched some classy nude stuff. I’ve also seen cheap porn.

    I’d say with the lying, she probably knew you wouldn’t approve. And I’m sorry, but that isn’t you not supporting her dream. Unless she’s specifically dreaming about being in a sex scene. There are different levels of certain experiences, and she’s pretty far off the end there in acting. But lying, that tells me she’ll do whatever it takes, your relationship be damned. If that’s where her passion lies, that’s how it goes.

25. We all have our lines, I had a gf once who led me on about stripping to get through college, I told her that doesn’t align with my values, but do you what you need to. It just might be by yourself. She got super pissy and mad “I wouldn’t support her and she was just joking”.

    Everyone’s choices have consequences, the best you can hope for is you know then upfront.

26. I’m sorry to hear this OP. In my opinion this is something that no amount of money is worth.

27. The fact she LIED about it and didn’t even discuss with you is the worst thing about it, tbh. It shows that she either doesn’t care about your opinion or doesn’t trust you enough to discuss the matter.

    Either way, if that’s a deal breaker to you, you’re still young. Let her free to walk her path and find someone with different goals in life that align better with yours

28. Gross. What show?

29. Just break up

30. Shes doing porn

31. Bruh

32. Sorry, buddy, but your relationship is over.

    You have a hard boundaries, she knew it, which is why she lied about the nudity, sex, and soft core porn studio.

    Her boundaries are different to yours, and that’s OK.

    The fact that she’s happy to lie about this fairly serious new job is worrying.

    For me, I wouldn’t be with an anyone who’s boundaries aren’t in the same area as mine, even if I could get past this, her lying is an instant relationship killer for me.

    I would advise you to cut your losses, wish is her well consider this a lesson and move on

33. I understand not being comfortable with the nude and sex scene but for what it’s worth, they are forced to where skin colored clothing covering their privates so it won’t be actual sex. Now if you did know that fact but she said that they are having actual sex in the scene then that’s not acting and your gf is just in porn and for that I would break up with her.

34. Naked acting isn’t a great step for being an actrice for standard things.
    Once you open that door it will be difficult to persuit a carrière.
    Of pars there are people who made it but the mayoralty doesn’t. Often it spirals downwards.
    Please take care and make shure to be good informed

35. Full nudity sex scenes is basically porn at the small indie level. Your gf is doing porn and will likely continue to do porn as it very likely won’t advance her career in a respected actress way.

    If you’re ok with that, great. But you’re not, so there’s really only one way this can go.

36. A little off topic…. acting is hard to get into so it’s easy to understand why she is desperate. But she’s setting herself up to be taken advantage of and something she needs to put some serious thought into. She lied, which means she at least had an idea that you wouldn’t like it. And it’s fine if you do or don’t. But she is letting you know her career is more important than your boundaries. This feels like a “easier to forgive than ask permission” type of choice she made. This will continue and one or both of you will start to resent the other.

37. The fact she lied to you about it reveals she knew you wouldn’t be okay with it. If she is so okay with it, why the lying. You can both have your stances and can both be valid, but you’re not compatible with your boundaries unfortunately.

38. You aren’t “supporting her”, and that’s fine because she wants to do softcore and did so without asking how you felt. She can do whatever she wants and so can you. Support her happiness but let her know it’s just not going to be you in the picture.

39. I don’t blame you. I personally could not agree if my SO wanted to play in sex scenes with another person on TV. This is a dealbreaker and a form of incompatibility, as others have said. Don’t try to convince her to do otherwise, don’t threaten with a breakup, just calmly end the relationship

40. You can either live with it, or not, and she has made her choice. You are left to decide. Apparently she doesn’t think you’re partners, or she would have discussed it with you. Porn does NOT lead to acting jobs. I was a paid actor all my life, porn isn’t considered as experience for acting.

41. She lied to you, op. For that reason alone you should consider this relationship OVER and leave.

42. Support yourself in your dreams….A girlfriend that doesnt lie….That would good for starters.

43. Just break up with her. Imagine being known as the guy who’s girlfriend got f*cked on a show for everyone to see. Even if it’s just acting, it’s similar to the reasons of a high body count being a deal breaker.

44. Lying is one red flag. Setting herself up for an onlyfans career is another. Tread carefully.

45. She lied lmao. Does the lie stop there? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just straight up porn

46. In a regular show yes you would be insecure as its usually very professional, especially now. But what you described sounds more like plain erotic content and therefor your feelings are justified. Also that usually leads to More similar or more hardcore stuff. Very few actresses make it in the showbiz after starting from that route, although the producers usually promise that to persuade them. If she wants to be a real actress that is not a smart move. In the acting buisness patient and persistant is key, not jumping on the softcore porn wagon

47. Bro… Get out man…

    This is the kinda kink dudes fap to online. They’re gonna interview her at some point, and she’s going to say she has a boyfriend who doesn’t know she’s there, and then she’s going to say his dick is bigger than yours and he’s going to fuck her in 7 different positions and cum on her face (most likely). I’ve seen this video. So has half the internet.

    Get the fuck out. Don’t be the boyfriend at home who doesn’t know his gf is being railed by a porn star. Except you kinda know.

    I don’t agree with whatever they say. It’s not “just acting”. Nobody fucking somebody else is just acting. Maybe there is a degree of acting, but it’s 69% not acting.