Throwaway due to main account being involved in this.
A few weeks ago I agreed to meet up with a stranger from across the country under a precondition that it was not a date and romance was not to be part of it, just a genuine shared-interest friendly interaction to help her check off a bucket list item for her birthday. I had never done this before, but saw it as an opportunity to make a friend. Additionally I did not believe I was emotionally available for anything more anyway.
We met in a public place and walked/talked while we sized each other up and established trust. There were various activities while we killed time, and we ended up sharing a bed (nothing physical just sleep.) before the next day’s plans- the trust built fast. (Which I feel was saying something as she turned out to be 5’1″ while I am 6’5″.)
All in all we did just about everything you would for a date, minus anything physical, including restaurants twice (split check once and on me once as you shouldn’t pay your own way on your birthday), arcade, shopping, hiking, and a multiple hour car ride to and from our destination which was a healthy balance of interesting conversation and unusually comfortable silence while she napped.
Turned out we have an uncanny amount in common including interests, specific types of experiences from our pasts and goals and aspirations for the future. It could hardly have gone better, except for one thing.
As mentioned, the conditions stated for this encounter, there was not to be any romance-
but I did not expect her to be absolutely beautiful, highly intelligent, and one of the best people I have ever met. As a result, to my surprise, I felt a connection, and even more, I got the impression she felt something too. It was going well, I should have just told her, right? No, I let her leave without saying anything. Partiality for the agreement, partially because I am an idiot, but also two more influencing factors:
First, she had ended her previous relationship not too long before, it wasn’t the right time to bring up a new one. Second, after that she was going on a month long family vacation, and I absolutely didn’t want to try to make her think about me during the time she should be focusing on enjoying her time with family, and healing from a breakup, it wasn’t the right time. This is also the reason why, while we have texted here and there since then, (not daily) I have been trying to give her the space and time she needs for herself.. this isn’t about me for her.
Finally, before she left she hugged me around the neck, and we agreed to meet again when she is back in town. (Next week) To solidify that we will meet again, she even had a package shipped to my house to give to her when we meet again. All together, I think this means she likes me, but I am oblivious to the point of frustration and am digging for some confirmation that she isn’t just a friendly person. As such I have two questions:
One, women who have read this far, help me out, could this scenario describe a strictly-friend under any reasonable circumstances?
Two, is there any reason why I should not just bring this up when I see her again? Does the fact that she lives over 2500 miles (4000 km) away change anything?
Currently my plan is to admit that I felt a connection. And to express that, despite the distance, I would like to explore the possibility that this could be something more, if she felt it too. (There have been no conditions set for omitting romance for our next encounter.)
TLDR: met a stranger online, then in person, under the condition of no romance. Felt a connection, seemingly mutual. Long distance situation. Seeing her again in a week. Thoughts or advice?
1 comment
How often are you two communicating through the outlet that you met on/where you hatched your first meetup’s plan?
Edit: I’m hoping for the best for you, but a few details are pushing me to make my first piece of advice- Take a deep breath.
Because if the same feelings were shared by her, she’s not going to do anything but throw the time and energy she’s setting aside for intimacy with another person elsewhere. You’re not going to miss “your chance”.. I’ve been in long term relationships for the better part of my life and taking things I may have rushed into more slowly would not have been something that caused me unnecessary pain or consequences. Enjoy the butterflies but try not to feel this worry you have that ultimately boils down to feeling out of control of a situation.. try to give this relationship with this person a healthy slow burn, that will still have many high and intense moments to look forward to.