My husband (35m) doesn’t have time for me (30f) because he cares for his mom – need advice

My husband is out of the country taking care of his mother full time because she has dementia but some days are better than others. He is with her all the time and I want him to be there or her but he tells me he can’t make time for me. I asked if I could have 10 minutes with him out of his day and he said he can’t guarantee it. He takes care of his mother with his father and they all live in the same house. His father is healthy.

We have had a rough year where even the word divorce was spoken a few times over things like finances and his inattentiveness to the relationship. We went through therapy but we stopped because our therapist didn’t really know what to do anymore as our fights would escalate (this was before his mom got worse).

I work for the both of us and I put in a lot of overtime due to the nature of my job. I don’t have a lot of free time so when I call him, I’d like him to pick up but he doesn’t want to have any phone calls or distractions when he’s with his mom. I asked him about why this is and he says it confuses his mom and I think he might be afraid to show me her true condition. I told him he needs extra help with her because if he can’t even spare 10 minutes a day with me, he’s going to burn out. At the end of the day he often says he is exhausted and doesn’t have the energy to call me.

Our plan previously was that he could get a job to help our finance situation. I’m trying to pay of his student loans which I feel is a heavy burden on me because the interest is like $400 a month with the principle being over $50,000. We have other debts too and I’m trying to juggle it all on my own. I asked him for help but he doesn’t have time. I know finances don’t mean that much to health but his situation with his mom could last weeks, months, years. We always planned he’d come back to me.

I’m feeling disconnected, lonely, jaded, and I’m almost trying to disassociate. I barely speak to him. We can’t plan anything together be it the next day or a year in the future. I’m stressed with work deadlines and I don’t get relief anywhere. I don’t want to pull him away from his mom but something needs to change. I don’t know what to do and could use some advice please.

Tl;dr husband lives with his mom and father out of the country and his mom has dementia. he is a full time carer and says he doesn’t have time for me. I need something more from him and looking for advice.