My (27F) brother (32M) got divorced a few years ago and since then he has been a completely different person. He spends most of his days drinking and partying with different women every weekend, and I didn’t care because to each their own, but lately he wants his friends to do the same, and one of those friends is my husband (34M)
Yesterday he was taking a shower and his mom was calling him and I picked up the call, because we both always use each other’s phone. Well, when the call ended after a few second I saw that he had a message from my brother and I read it. And I wish I hadn’t because he was making fun of me. I couldn’t see much of the chat but I saw that a few days ago he sent a nude of another woman to my husband, and he told him not to do that and my brother told him that this woman is amazing in bed and that he should call her and that I would never find out. My husband told him not to say that and not to insist because he was disrespecting me by saying that, but he couldn’t have cared less about what he said because he started sending more pictures and telling him that he sure misses when I looked like that. And that hurt me a lot because I know he said that because I’m about to give birth and I no longer have the body I had a few months ago, I didn’t gain almost any weight but still, I know I don’t look the same.
My husband told him to stop and that he was going to tell me if he didn’t stop sending pics and saying what he said about me, and my brother just told him that he missed the times where he was a real man and didn’t live to please me, that while he defends me another man could be “fucking me”, that he sees how I smile when there are other men around and that my body gives signs, and reading that was horrible because he is 100% projecting, because his ex wife cheated on him and that’s why he got divorced. But I’m not her and in nine years of relationship I was never with another man nor did I have any desire to be.
I confronted my brother by phone and he cynically told me that fidelity doesn’t exist and that it’s time for me to see it, that if I get used to that idea it will be easier when “the day comes”, that he knows that it’s impossible for me not to want to sleep with other men, and I swear I have never been so angry and hurt at the same time. He’s not the person I used to know and I find it hard to believe that he treats me with so little respect because he was always so so sweet to me. I ended the call because I couldn’t continue listening to his nonsense and I talked to my husband when he came out of the shower.
He says that I shouldn’t pay attention to what my brother says because he trusts me and that I should trust him too because he never even thought for a minute about calling any of those women, that he is attracted to me as always and that and that he didn’t tell me before because he was trying to make my brother see reason because he didn’t want us to end up fighting. But I don’t know if I should believe him, I mean never told me that my brother sent him those pics and he didn’t delete them either. I know I’m not going to trust my brother again but I don’t know if I can trust my husband either, could that be possible? Can it be possible to trust again after something like this?
9 comments
The comments your brother made regarding your body are very gross and creepy. I don’t know if I’d want someone like that in my life anymore, family or not. He’s not respecting you, your husband, your relationship. God knows what else.
You can’t trust your brother and I would cut contact. Your husband sounds like a keeper! Just let him know that next time you would like to be informed and move on. He clearly loves and respects you.
> I don’t know if I can trust my husband either
Why wouldn’t you trust him?
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>he didn’t tell me before because he was trying to make my brother see reason because he didn’t want us to end up fighting. But I don’t know if I should believe him
Why wouldn’t you believe him? What he is telling you matches up exactly with the messages. He didn’t delete anything because he doesn’t have anything to hide, that is *more* reason to trust him.
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>he told him not to do that
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> My husband told him not to say that and not to insist because he was disrespecting me by saying that
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>My husband told him to stop and that he was going to tell me if he didn’t stop sending pics and saying what he said about me
You and your husband both need to cut your brother off.
He is very bitter and does not have your best interests at heart.
He trying to convince your husband you are cheating and he should sleep around too, eventually it’s going to corse issues, he might even start to believe it.
Just cut him out until he grows the fuck up
Cut off all communication. Let him rot in his sad little divorced loser lair.
Well, it’s pretty obvious why your brother is divorced.
I mean, ok, he could have told you immediately, but this is family. Your husband was trying to push past it to keep the peace with a family member, and a friend. He kept telling him to stop, and that it was disrespectful. And it’s only been a few days! He’s probably still trying to figure out what the fuck he should do.
I think your entirely justified anger at your brother is just splashing onto your husband. He’s honestly been solid with this, and has the texts to back him up
Don’t let your brother win. Period.
This whole situation comes from the fact that he chose a person who is exactly like he is. He is mad that the type of women he sleeps around, and married, can’t be trusted.
He is jealous that you and your husband only have eyes for each other. That is the biggest crime you two could show him. It is a constant reminder that he and the people he CHOOSES to surround himself with are losers and can’t be trusted.
So, he is trying to get you two to cheat so he wins. Truly screwed up mentality. But, very common.
Don’t let your screwed up brother infect your relationship with a wonder man because your brother is playing on your insecurities. You have seen the proof that your husband is honorable and has you first.
Be confident in your husband if you need reassurance, or not. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but letting a known cheater who solely associates with cheaters dictate your life, is kind of insulting to your husband.
Why would you not trust your husband who defended you multiple times, told your brother to stop what he was saying, and didnt hide anything from you? It’s not his place to get in the middle of your relationship with your brother and was trying to talk reason to him. All your doing with this whole “Idk if I can trust my husband” is playing exactly how your brother wants you to. Why are you letting him win?