Hello! I’ll cut right to the point — I’m developing feelings for someone in a way that I haven’t for a while. Though growing fond of someone is overall a wonderful thing regardless of where it leads, it’s not an entirely pleasant experience for me… and it never has been, honestly.
This time seems a bit better than before, but I’ve noticed a pattern of losing my sense of self when I first develop feelings. More specifically, in all the excitement, I tend to lose sleep, lose interest in activities I normally like, become anxious, become a little narrowly focused on the (possible) relationship, and so on.
I know tons of wild chemical stuff happens in the brain as you become interested in someone. I guess I’m basically wondering how I might counter some of the effects of that so I can still appreciate the process without being consumed by it.
I think being more grounded in this way would make it a lot more pleasant and healthy for both me and the other person! Thank you!
3 comments
Im on the end where he developed feelings very quickly and when he recognized that, he broke it off and we only interact online. He needed physical space and a little less talking, but we keep the connection through a weekly call that lasts a few hours. It’s pretty obvious that it worked for him and he lost feelings, but I’m hurting a lot. It doesn’t feel good to see someone put effort into losing some kind of interest, but I can tell that he’s simply not ready and can respect that.
My best advice is to do what you know is healthy. If you’d rather not delve into it with this person, have that conversation. It did make a difference because I’m enjoying our friendship.
Some people can’t do that, but it’s better to be honest and hurt for a while than get stuck in something that you’re uncomfortable in.
I’m feeling you, I have the same issue, but I don’t have a solution sadly…
Yep, lots of crazy chemical things going on- I experience this too. I would just say important to focus on self care- things that help regulate yourself. Eg eat well, get some early nights in, exercise, maybe journaling if you are overthinking things. And know the intensity of the feelings will subside!