Lately I’ve noticed my husband being very low energy and tired. He frequently mentions having “nothing in the tank” after a busy workday.
He works a very stressful job, typically 9-10 hours per day. I also have a stressful job but I work 30 hours a week so that life is more manageable with our kids and household.
We have two young kids – one of whom is a toddler who does NOT sleep through the night and whose life’s mission is to sleep in bed next to me, something we actively discourage and try to avoid.
Our routine in the evening is he comes home, we eat dinner with the kids, he reads to them and puts them to bed (he treasures this time with them) and he typically falls asleep with them and wakes up later. He has sub optimal sleep habits as he has ADHD and passes out with the kids only to be awake for hours later. He is aware of this.
Anyway, tonight I mentioned to him that I’m not the only one who has picked up on the fact that he is tired and stressed. I suggested to him that we could arrange a couple evenings a week where he could get some exercise, go out with a friend, etc. in order to try and basically reenergize himself. He said he doesn’t have the energy for it.
I’m concerned he’s heading for a burn out. I would love for him to take some time for himself – whether it’s evenings or even a couple of weeks of mental health leave.
I’m not sure how to support him and help him get back on track. He’s such an amazing partner and parent and I hate to see him struggling. So, redditors…if you have some ideas I’m all ears.
4 comments
I’m in a similar boat. Ultra high stress job where everything at my firm feels like it rests on my shoulders. Every day there’s some massive drama thing. I am mentally absolutely friggin spent by the time I get home. I pass out by 9pm most nights. Our youngest prefers/insists on sleeping in the playroom bed with my wife. So we rarely actually even sleep in the same bed. I personally really don’t care for this. It’s not healthy for our youngest, and it’s especially not healthy for our marriage. I also have bad sleeping habits, and it sucks to wake up at 2am alone, toss and turn alone until 4am, then wake up at 6:30 … alone.
For me, I value peace at home on the weekends. My wife doing special things “just for me”, whether it’s a nice meal for me, or kids have a babysitter and we sneak in some intimacy.
What doesn’t feel good to hear is, and this is hard to verbalize especially via text… He can’t just “not work” or “find time to recharge”. And I’m in the same boat… go out and exercise.. After 10 hours of constant drama and stress. I know some people recharge, but there just isn’t time in the day right now.
For me, what recharges me the most, is specific attention and intimacy and caring from my wife. Which, is hard for her to give being that she has 2 kids and her own part time job and stuff going on.
here are some ideas I recommend you both sound like your stuck in a routine that’s what happens when you have kids that’s normal but the thing about being married is keeping the spark and relationship alive. If possible get a baby sitter or send your kids to your parents house. Have a day where it’s just you and him. I recommend both of you write things down on what you would like to improve in the marriage. Complement each other caress her and say your thankful for him and you appreciate him this will go a long way. Also I recommend bubble bath what I did for my wife is set up rose petals candles romantic music and just had a bath with her and she loved it. Tease each other.
Go out on dates.
I’d suggest a full physical and blood panel to rule anything out.
I comment this on a lot of posts but it sounds like it again could be the case for your husband, i saw you mentioned he’s getting a blood panel, i wouldn’t be surprised if he was diagnosed with low testosterone!