So me (19F) and my gf (18 transgender woman) met at a party in November, we both liked eachother, and when we started talking at the beginning of the new year we started calling as friends. She would talk to me all day and stay up late for me despite having school / work.. She played my favorite game and let me watch, and I showed her all my favorite south park episodes. We ended up having a routine. I ended up letting it slip first that I loved her. We both kind of knew, but then after I said it we were honest about our feelings.
She said she would do anything for me. She was the kindest most considerate person. Our first date was intensely passionate. At first we hugged and held hands, then she kissed me first, saying she couldn’t wait anymore. We made out in the hot topic. I felt like i could see the love in her eyes when she looked at me. I’d had horrendously painful relationships in the past, but I really felt safe to trust her. She seemed very genuine. When we were together she held me all night, she wanted to call every night. When it was time for me to go, she would try to convince me to stay. When we weren’t together in a call, she would express how much she missed me.
So after 7 months of dating.. I notice she got more distant, wouldn’t give conversations effort, and get mad at me in games we played for petty reasons, like me eating a food when she had less HP. She would stay angry about these things despite my effort to break the tension.
One day, she told me calmly on a call before she went to work that she wanted to break up. My mind felt submerged underwater. She gave me a ton of confusing reasons. “My parents aren’t relationship people either.” , “I don’t like physical affection as much as I thought I would.” “we just arent compatible. You deserve better.” I felt so horrible.. After our first date, I felt so happy I would’ve been content with a semitruck hitting the car on the highway. We loved being together. She would give me so many gifts. When I asked,”We were in a happy relationship for months, and now you’re aromantic?” she said “you were happy.”
We tried being friends, but once again she was extremely distant, and even snarky when I texted her. I broke, and let her know everything I was feeling. I felt ashamed to text her because she acted like she didn’t care about me at all , when my body was failing me from stress of the sudden incredible distance between us. (I didn’t tell her about that part, it was hard to eat or sleep.) She then told me she actually didn’t care to be my friend either. She told me she wanted the best for me, and was somehow acting in my best interest. I told her,”If you were really acting in my best interest, you wouldn’t have became the closest person to me then completely abandoned me.” I then blocked her, since she made it harshly apparent that she preferred to be completely alone. Said thats all she could handle and even being friends with others stresses her out too much.
After she acted like the opposite of herself, I wasn’t even trying to get our relationship back. I’d lost my best friend as well as the person I was in love with. I had wanted to respect her feelings and be friends, but it felt horrible she knew how alone I felt and didn’t want to support me in any way.. She said when she was breaking up with me that I was lovely and did nothing wrong. She was on antidepressants and maybe other medications as well, I have a few theories. Maybe she was self destructing, since she also said she was scared of the future (and said she was only with me out of fear?) .. Her medications made her emotions out of character, or.. she was only infatuated by me and after she got her fill she got fed up.
She went from the most affectionate, romantic person ever, to a cruel selfish & arrogant person with no self awareness.
*I’m wondering what others think about this, and can maybe relate ? This confuses me so much. She used to be so caring and always was concerned about how I was doing.
If she did just lose interest after all the promises and affection.. it still seems sus to me that she doesn’t want to talk to any of her friends either.
She really murdered my butterflies.
I just don’t know what to believe and what to trust in anything she’s said…
for more context, she is also a chronic stoner, and progressively smoked more throughout our relationship. Last time I talked to her it seemed like she was still smoking everyday, throughout the day.
TL;DR: Me and my gf were in the most romantically intertwined and loving relationship I’ve ever had, gave me a ton of gifts and told me she would do anything for me, and clearly craved physical affection, then she gradually started acting mean and distant, which couldve been from her medications for depression and other problems, but I’m really unsure. She told me she wants to be completely alone, might’ve had an aromantic awakening and doesn’t care about continuing our relationship or friendship, and that she is “just not a relationship person.” and said we aren’t compatible.
Relationship was early February – early/mid September
1 comment
Your gf sounds like me on my self destructive days. I deal with addiction, depression, anxiety, had a lot of bad habits that were hard to control. Eventually I felt like I was going to affect the people around me. Everything she’s doing and saying is what I really want to tell my friends so that they can believe I’m a bad person and stay away so they don’t get involved in my mess.
So coming from this, I honestly think you should give her and yourself the space to heal. As someone who is like this too I wouldn’t want anyone to deal with my hot and cold behaviour. You don’t need that from a partner nor a friend.