Me (18F) and my ex boyfriend(19M) were together for almost a year. It was our first serious relationship for both of us. We broke up 2 days ago. I feel like complete shit. He broke up with me because of certain problems we had in our relationship. I am not a super emotional person when it comes to other people but expect a lot from others and that is my toxic trait and I’ve unfortunately let this toxic trait ruin me and my exs relationship. Me and him were each others first loves and we did all the cringey couple shit you can think of. We both were and are still pretty young so we have all sorts of time to fuck around. I think I really fucked our relationship up because I never listened to his feelings and I would go to bed mad at him and I wouldn’t say I love you. Just things like that. I know it sounds horrible and in the moment I didn’t even realize what I was doing. This went on and off for a few months and eventually he called it quits. I was so broken I didn’t even realize how badly I hurt him. And what I was doing and now he has truly made it clear we can’t get back together at all even after I’ve pleased with him that I would change and that I didn’t realize how shitty I was being until now. But nothing. He’s stern on his decision. I feel so lost and it seems like so sudden to me the breakup but I think it’s less sudden for him. It’s weird because we’re still friends and talk normally. I love him so much and I just want him back and I want to treat him the right way this time and I think I’ve completely fucked up any chance of that happening and I feel like I ruined our entire relationship because of this toxic trait I let infest our relationship. My heart is feeling so much regret and I just feel awful for the way I made him feel. I feel like I don’t want to accept the reality of the situation and I want to get back together with him so badly but I’ve brought it up and he immediately shuts it down. It’s bittersweet because he’s not mean about it, he’s just simply like “I’m so sorry, you’re an amazing person and I will always be your cheerleader and I hope you do amazing things but I just can’t be with you right now. I’m not in the right headspace. “ so it’s like I want to respect him but I can’t move on and I just don’t want to believe our relationship is over.
TLDR: I need advice on what to do. Because at the very least I still want him in my life even if it’s as a friend and it’s mutual so I don’t know if no contact is the right thing to do when we still want to be friends and help eachother through this breakup. It’s all so complicated. And I know people might have advice like “you’re young you have time”, but I truly love him and I want to save what we have. I need advice🙏
3 comments
Honestly it sounds like you both need therapy and to work on some skills that adulthood and adult relationships bring into it. I know how hard it is to let someone go that you care about so much, but he obviously is not in the right headspace for you to contact him or be around him right now. He needs space and maybe down the line the future you could reach back out to him, but for now I think you both need to heal and move forward. No matter how hard it is.
Damn, that sucks. Breakups are never easy. Maybe try giving him some space and focus on yourself for a bit? And don’t beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes in relationships. Just learn from it and move on.
Most likely you want advice what would get both of you back together, but truth it’s probably better this way. People don’t change overnight, it might seem to you like you could, but change require time and a lot of willpower, not only for you, but also for him. I am quite bit older then both of you, but had similar situation with my current girlfriend aka. I broke with her and gave her second chance and it’s hard, but I see she is trying so we are moving forward day by day. Since he doesn’t want to get back together you have 2 options:
1. (hard one) stay friend and show him you can be loving and understanding and maybe one day both of will decide to try again. This one can hurt you because potentially you will see him in other romantic relationships.
2. (best one) Try to move on, don’t stay friends with him. Staying friends with someone you broke up would comparable to emotional abuse (on his part, since he clearly knows how you are feeling).
Take this with the grain of salt, I am just random guy on internet and know nothing about you.