Im my gf’s first ever girlfriend and relationship! She’s my first girlfriend to go down on me etc. In the beginning of our relationship I was very insecure when we started having sex and always said no to her trying to go down on me or try the strap bc I thought my hole was abnormal or my vagina was ugly. So I would always go down on her and do her. Anyways later on the relationship to like 8months to a year- i told her she can do whatever she wants to me without asking. Now we are 1 year and 8 months together.
I feel like SOMETIMES I need to ask my gf to touch me down there or anything. When she is horny tho she DOES touch my boobs or rub me down there but then I take initiative and start to feel her then do her with the strap. She always finishes with an orgasm and I dont but im always super wet. Because we are long distance, She has been doing a good job at dirty talking through the phone talking more about my pussy than the strap bc I discussed with her that i was feeling insecure that she was talkin about my strap (cock) rather than my pussy so In my head im like what if she likes dick rather than my pussy but then i did my research on reddit and I learned that a strap DOES NOT DEFINE UR SEXUALITY!!! Either way I do enjoy wearing the strap i feel amazing with it. Anyways should I be upset that she sometimes doesnt really initiates first ?
Secondly because she said she’s insecure to do anything first , i always do her with the strap on etc. But i want her to do me with a strap on but it’s only when she’s in the mood to…should i be upset at that? I discussed with her that for our 2 year anniversary when we have sex if she can..try the strap on me again. but other than that she said she would still eat me out or rub me down there. She told me that she’s insecure that she would do something wrong if she took initiative first as well.
Last thing is is that it takes so long for me to cum when she rubs my cl*t (BUT LAST TIME SHE ALMOST MADE ME ORGASM when she rubbed me AND when she ate me out but the taste for her was a little strong at first but she got used to it))maybe its bc i was so dependent on a vibrator all my life? I DEFINITELY get wet for my gf like a whole lake down there but its so hard to have an orgasm. I thought i couldnt get a dildo all the way in me but i did it by myself because before when we tried it wouldnt budge in. So im definitely ready for our 2 years when she tries the strap on me! 🙂 Hopefully this makes me orgasm when she makes love to me with the strap ..if not then we will find other ways or keep trying to rub my clit or eat me out until i orgasm?… I always give her orgasms and it makes me happy (-:
Other than that we both love each other very much. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. I respect her very much and would never do anything to go far to make her uncomfortable. She respects me too. . I think im just overthinking all this. I also know Im very insecure of my body. I hate how i have hyperpigmentation around my vagina and anywhere on my body. I feel so ugly with my skin.
Plus my gf sometimes is uncomfortable when i speak about how i feel with my sexual insecurities…. I am truely lucky to even touch my girlfriend’s beautiful body. Please I need help. I want to be a good gf and not say something before i know good advice. 🙂