Married men who were in a long term de facto relationship with their partner beforehand: what changed after getting married?

50 comments

  4. What are you really asking, OP?

    If things are good before, then marriage isn’t going to change anything.

    It’s like being a temp, where you are crushing it every day, and your employer decides to bring you on permanently. Your work ethic isn’t going to change. What does change is the fact that you are now in a secure situation with benefits.

    Marriage is like that. A secure situation with benefits (and expectations).

    Pro Tip: If you and she haven’t already done so, start a household budget and make sure each of you are aware of each other’s debts/expenses coming into the marriage.

  5. The abuse intensified, and even worse once we bought a house. Something about the shackles of marriage makes them realize they have you locked down, then the mask falls off.

  6. Dated 3 years, engaged 3 years, now married 28+. The only real change was that I started wearing a wedding ring and we had more legal options financially.

  7. I dated her for two years per marriage, everything was great for almost 3 years. I got a phone call at work, my daughter lost custody of her 3-month-old daughter and my first wife refused to take emergency custody. If I did not take emergency custody she would be thrown into the foster system, I was not going to have that happen to my flesh and blood. When I came home with her, my wife packed her stuff and said, “I have raised my kids, I am not raising anymore” and left. I filed for divorce two days later. Knowing her for 5 years I never would have thought she would have flipped like that. My granddaughter is not 7 years old and the most precious thing in my life.

  10. I dated my wife for 5 years and even bought a house with her together before getting married. It really didn’t change much tbh. Now as stated earlier on this thread the kids changed everything lol.

  12. I was with my wife for almost 4.5 years before we got engaged and almost 6 by the time we were married. I knew the ins-and-outs of my wife, and she of me. Nothing really changed between us, except she changed her last name to mine. We had our house before we were married, bought it back during the pandemic for a 1.5% locked APR at 15 years, just before the housing market took off and became impossible to afford a home.

  15. Nothing, except with two people it was a lot easier to get wealthy and accumulate hard assets that keep rising in value.

  18. Never been married but after having a child with my partner… I really miss the person she used to be and I am living with the miserable shell of the person I once loved. Getting older, podcasts with bad advice, hormones, menapause… it’s really hard to come out of your 30s-40s and not get a divorce or be miserable.

  22. I got to call her my wife in conversation instead of referring to her as my girlfriend. Some people took our relationship more seriously.

  23. Sex slowed and then stopped after first and second kids.
    Happiness declined steadily and despite all efforts her waist expanded. I started drinking and it all went to absolute shit.

  24. We had been together for a while. Living together, sharing a bank account, all of it. We had 2 kids, but we were engaged when that happened. We got married 7 years into our relationship. Our daughter was 3 and our son was 1 when we got married. Absolutely nothing changed. We were in as much of a marriage as you could be without being married. Everything stayed exactly the same.

  28. We were pretty good friends before marriage and moved to a different country together. I think that made our relationship more solid being away from home. Now with a kid we don’t spend as much time together as we used to.

  29. Marriage was a moment on the long term progression of my relationship with my wife

    It isn’t a point where everything changes immediately, it’s part of a long term, bigger picture.

    It’s gradual- nobody pays attention to the steps you take in the middle of climbing a mountain, but you have to take thousands of steps to reach the summit. Marriage was another step, but with a nice overlook.

    Then it’s back up the mountain of our relationship.

    So what changed? Everything and nothing. It was not so different than one step before or after. But it was thousands of steps different than thousands of steps ago.

  30. The legit only thing that changed was calling her “my wife” more easily explained our relationship.

  31. 12 years together but just married this year. Nothing changed. We already have a 10 year old and 4 year old. Kids didn’t change anything either.

  32. I relaxed a bit. Started watching some football on tv, declining going along on the occasional family errand, stuff like that. We dated for 2 years, lived common law 10 years, married going on 6 on my birthday next month. The only real changes have to do with aging (that birthday will be my 66th).

  35. We didn’t live together until we got married so that was a large change. A very very welcome one though

  45. Nothing changes, the relationship continues exactly how it was.

    So if you’re hoping some anxieties in a partner get put to rest, or some bad habit may change because you made this commitment, it won’t. All that will happen is it will become another chip to play. “But we’re married now!” Etc.

  46. I’m a woman but my partner and I have been together for 19 years. Probably 22 years by the time we get round to getting married. We’ve raised a child together and have joint mortgages.

    Other than some extra jewellery and a name change, I’d like to think marriage won’t change anything.

  48. Nothing changed day to day and that’s how it should be. How things were pre-marriage were so good that we decided to get married, so if things stay that good, that’s perfect.

  49. Marriage doesn’t seem to effect good relationships. It’s generally the people that should have never got married in the first place that claim marriage changes a lot.

  50. Our taxes, her name. We had been living together for 3 years and together for 8 years by the time we got married so not much changed. We already had joint bank accounts and had her as an authorized user of my credit cards. (Great way to share good credit scores btw if you don’t know that)

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like