In a few weeks I’m getting together with some of my long term buddies (all mid-thirties guys) for a fun long weekend vacation.
Ever since the last election cycle, one of my buddies has really made politics part of his personality, and some of his views are on the more extreme side. During conversations he’ll just hard-turn to any topic currently making the news cycle and start getting worked up about something that doesn’t align with his POV.
While I’m comfortable with a healthy debate every now and then, it’s become clear that he isn’t looking for anyone to challenge or add another perspective, he’s just looking to spout whatever gripe he has and shut down any counterpoint with cherry-picked facts to “prove” he’s right.
I’m over this behavior, and frankly it’s been souring our relationship. I still want to go and have fun with everyone but don’t have any interest in feeding his political argument ego, or getting upset by his attempts to stir the pot. Has anyone experienced something similar and have tips on how to respectfully shut down conversations/arguments like this, and/or simply avoid falling into the trap of getting worked up?
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Hard to say what the play is. You could treat him like a cartoon character and intentionally wind him up or just have a convo beforehand about this get together being fun and while he’s really into politics and sharing his views, that’s not what the group is there for.
Honestly, everytime he starts talking about politics I’d take my phone, find a jingle of your choice that political debates start with and play it (CNN, FOX, whatever the channel is in your country). Gradually make it a running joke. I think it’s a great way to lighten up the situation and when he’s constantly the butt of this joke, he’ll let up. Granted, I don’t know how he deals with humor, but worth a try
No politics and no subjects that have become politically charged. This is an unwritten rule when my buddies get together. It is harder for some than others to stick to this.
When someone has a problem bring up politics, a private conversation is the first step. The second step is to forceably change the subject every time they try to make things political. The final step is to cut them out of the group.
Just don’t feed into it. Maybe pull the rest of your buddies aside tell them the same thing – that if he starts on a topic, to just kind of ignore it. If he’s obnoxious about it after no one is engaging with him, you could have a little chat, but if you don’t feed the fire you might be alright.
“Bro, I’m here to enjoy myself and have fun on vacation, not to talk the news or politics. Put a pin in it until we get back.”
All of us agree on politics and we still don’t allow it to be discussed.
We had one guy at work who just couldn’t stop trying to bring it up.
I would usually start with: “I don’t care.”
Then, “I don’t fucking care.”
Finally: “I am going to start singing.”
That usually shut him up.
Maybe just a verbal agreement. No politics, no local/national news discussion. Every time someone slips they gotta put $10 in the drink fund, like a swear jar but more costly.
Grey rocking them works pretty well in my experience.
“Yeah, I don’t really follow that stuff.” “Huh? I’m not really political, doesn’t do anything for me but get my blood pressure up.” “Eh, I think they’re all bunch of assholes. I try to avoid politics as much as possible.” “Man, if you want to talk politics you may as well talk to the tree over there because that’s about at much attention as you’re going to get out of me.” “Bud, are you still talking politics? You need to find someone who cares to talk about that stuff.” “Man, that politics stuff is going to put me to sleep.” “BOOOOOORRRRRRIIIINNGGGGG”
Eventually they’ll get annoyed you won’t engage. They may try to get you to care more, but stick to your guns. Every time it comes up give a comment that you don’t care then tune out. If they call you rude you can point out you keep saying you don’t care but they talk anyways. You don’t care means you don’t care.
Pivot hard to religion
Don’t let them change the topic back to worldly affairs, you’ve got more high-minded concerns.
My brother loves arguing. I know he has good intentions and he thinks he’s doing a good thing by being aggressive about his beliefs. When he starts on a tangent I’ll just kind of say “yep hehe” or nod my head with an understanding/Jim Halpert face and look at the ground and show my uncomfortableness. Eventually he’ll change back to normal subjects.
“Dude, shut the fuck up.”
If he can’t handle that, replace him with a friend who’s less of a pussy.