Hi guys,
My gf (26) of 5 years now has really poor financial literacy. Its not her fault but her mother just never was around to teach her about savings etc. We got together and she had about 3k debt which over 3 years we got to almost zero but it was hard work. I’m 34 and its ended up like a father daughter rship because she couldn’t control herself but I was just always worried she would end up in a bad situation , she has no family or anyone to help if ever she needed cash and was living check to check but living on CC that raked up insane interest.
Eventually we bought a house together when it felt like she learnt how to budget etc. I then spent 2 years fixing up the house all paid by myself but left her alone financially, wasn’t checking on her as she got annoyed. Long story short I asked after two years if she had debt and she reluctantly told me, but lied and said $5000. I offered to help and she got mad and said she has it under control. I said ok and 6 months later I found out she has now $14k cc debt. Its really hitting me hard, I care about her but everytime I try to help or fix it she refuses, gets mad at me and its now affecting both of us.
The most worrying part is that she doesn’t seem to care, she isn’t worried and acts like its normal. She is paying off the minimum and trying to budget but its the same story over 5 years now and she doesn’t have it under control. We split most bills but I pay a bit more as I earn more. But she still goes out to eat etc and has no idea of sacrifice. I feel like there is no future together and feel she needs counselling as family / friends have told me its not normal to not worry about such debt and we have a mortgage together which will affect us both. I’ve tried to talk to her but she throws a tantrum and gets mad when I ask we make a plan etc. however she always wants to go on holiday and gets mad if I don’t organize one. But I cant when she can’t afford one.
Am I better off letting her go? I feel like although I love her and I know she loves me, but this is subconsciously making me feel distant
3 comments
>Am I better off letting her go?
If she refuses to talk to a financial/dept planner, YES. Cut this off. You cannot stay financially tied to someone like this.
“It’s not her fault” lol
OP while this is about money it is not that that is making you feel this way, it is thoughts and behaviours this debt reveals in her that you are responding to so don’t let anyone tell you that you broke up with her over money. You broke up because of her immature and unrealistic way of behaving and thinking.
As a 26 year old she could have learned good money management if she actually cared to.
The big incompatibly here really is that while you are serious and actually understand how this debt and her constant lack of financial budgeting or planning can affect your futures. She has the attitude of a little girl who’s daddy will fix everything.
Then on top of that she lies about having a serious amount of debt (crikey I mean – how on earth is she 14k in the hole?!) And refuses to properly address the issue?
>I’ve tried to talk to her but she throws a tantrum and gets mad when I ask we make a plan etc. however she always wants to go on holiday and gets mad if I don’t organize one. But I cant when she can’t afford one
She isn’t on planet earth with you is she? Like money grows on trees!
>. I feel like there is no future together and feel she needs counselling
I believe you are right on both counts.