TLDR: BF (M25) promised me (F23) he cut off all girls while we were broken up, but I found out he was still talking to them after we got back together.
There is this societal stigma nowadays that people are less committed in relationships nowadays and aren’t willing to put the effort into fixing a relationship. However, at what point is a relationship beyond its breaking point, and attempting to fix the issues would be settling/keeping yourself in a toxic relationship?
I’ve been struggling with this recently. Me and my partner dated for 4 years. We broke up for a month recently and both ended up going back on dating apps to cope. After we decided to get back together, he promised me that he stopped talking to other girls once we got back together and cut off all the girls from the dating app (5 days into being back together). However, I found out he re-downloaded the dating app during those 5 days and was continuing to talk to girls on it.
It was only once caught where he admitted to doing it. His reason was that it was not for sexual/romantic reasons, but just for the external validation and attention he got from it. He has never done anything to betray my trust in the past and I was extremely shocked when I found out.
He said he’s never met any girls off the app before while together and I’ve never had any reason to suspect he has ever cheated. I am very much in love with him so it’s hard to decide whether I can trust him again after completely lying to me.
Is this something that’s beyond fixable or do you think it is possible to work past this?
3 comments
Of course it is possible. But also it is gargantually difficult for you to work on this because let’s face it, you’ll have to work on it on your own.
Also about your general remarks about the relationship: Not everything is worth the effort. In a healthy stable and loving relationship yes sometimes you gotta put the effort in, but otherwise what’s the point of tearing yourself apart? Life is too short for that kinda stuff imo.
> There is this societal stigma nowadays that people are less committed in relationships nowadays and aren’t willing to put the effort into fixing a relationship.
This is and has always been bullshit.
I’m quite a bit older than you two so let me illuminate you. Relationships “back in the day” stayed together because they didn’t have choices. People stayed married in obviously broken marriages, swallowing abuse and cheating and any other number of things because they *literally could not survive* without the marriage.
My own mother could not open a bank account without a (male) cosigner.
I had multiple relatives stay in abusive relationships and *celebrate* when their spouses died. Aunt and grandmother who told me they were so happy to have outlived their husbands because now they could finally be themselves.
Break the fucking relationship. Demand better treatment. The people who whine about nobody working through problems anymore are just salty they can’t keep a gf/bf because they’re so awful. Live your life as YOU want it.
>>There is this societal stigma nowadays that people are less committed in relationships nowadays and aren’t willing to put the effort into fixing a relationship
As an older Gen X person, I think this is total bullshit propaganda. In the olden days, I did and so did my parents’ generation and so did my grandparents’ generation stay in terrible relationships because of expectations and (especially) economic pressure. The fact that people can leave bad relationships, and identify them, now is a huge step forward that younger people shouldn’t take for granted. He promised you one thing, did another, and lied to your face about it. This could be fixable if you decide to ignore this and throw it down the memory hole, but…do you really want to?