i was honestly kind of hurt when he first mentioned it. he said he wouldn’t kiss her, i would be dominant, i would choose her, and could set any rules i found necessary. i worry that im too jealous and insecure for that. i don’t know how id react to seeing him that was with another women, could i ever unsee it? his rules seemed fair and i have always wanted one myself, but never while in a serious, committed relationship. plus it would give me the opportunity to finally explore my sexuality. i’ve always been very attracted to women but would never consider myself bi until actually experiencing and reflecting. when i went to tiktok for other women in similar situations, all the videos were jarringly hurtful. “ladies if ur man asks for a three he doesn’t love u anymore” “he just wants to cheat, and he’ll see other people behind ur back if u say no (we’re long distance rn so this is never fun to hear)” “he’s bored of u, sexually” “it changed the entire relationship and u’ll never be able to have what u did” etc. etc. these are intense accusations and i know that but it still hurt to read and i can’t stop hearing that. our situation may be different bc we both are, well, kinkier people, so i don’t necessarily see this as “he doesn’t love u,” but i still am not sure how to feel. what if he actually is getting bored of me? would things change between us if we went through with it? how do i even ask someone to do that?? im really struggling
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Dont do it if u dont like it
I’ve never had one but from reading this sub it seems like there’s a 50% chance it goes fine and a 50% chance it ruins your relationship. You should not engage in a threesome unless you have an extremely strong relationship!
Just because he wants to have a threesome doesn’t mean he doesn’t love your or wants to cheat, lots of people have a fantasy about having a threesome. For me I would never do it because I would hate to mess up my relationship even though I would love to have one.
Base on what you’re saying I wouldn’t recommend it. It sounds like after the fact you could have some huge trust issues which could kill your relationship.
His fantasies are his fantasies. You do not have to share them or indulge him in them.
That he feels comfortable telling you his fantasies means that he trusts you. If you say no, that doesn’t mean that his fantasy will go away, it will just remain in the fantasy box.
That his fantasy is having an FMF threesome doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have deep feelings for you. It means that he wants to explore. If you disagree, you can say no.
You might also want to inquire further into his fantasy. Does he want to fuck the other woman? Does he want to have one of you ride his dick while the other rides his tongue? Does he want both women to worship his cock? There are a lot of things that three can do that two cannot.
By better understanding his fantasy, there might be ways that you can simulate some of them, or incorporate them in to sex talk.
Good luck.
Don’t look for sex advice on tiktok
You cannot unsee it. If he’s bored with you, he’ll get bored after you and the next one, and the next. Ask him what is it that he really wants from that experience? Is this to be a one time thing or a new chapter? Could he sustain a 3-some with a you and another man? Not suggesting, but it is worth asking.
In my experience, threesomes pose a risk of connection between the two not in a relationship. It can get stick emotionally… over time.
Is a realistic sex doll an option for the two of you? Perhaps that first before you bring another heart/mind into the mix?
Based on what you said I’d suggest not having one. You need to be 100% jealous free and 100% comfortable with everything that will or can happen.
1. You have to actually want a threesome. The thought of your partner with someone else shouldn’t make you jealous, mad, or insecure. It’s completely normal if it does. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are insecure yourself. It means you are 100% monogamous. If it does turn you on, there’s still a chance it will bother you in the moment.
2. Is he open to a mmf one as well? If my SO wasnt, a fmf one would be an immediate no. A lot of guys have this fantasy, but in reality, the fantasy really is a 3 person single situation, not relationship, if they actually think about it. It’s like they get 1 girl and then think, ok now I just have to find 1 more, without actually thinking of the context in what they are requesting…that you will allow and watch him to be with someone else sexually, and the repercussions of that in a relationship. Your bf needs to think about that and if he’d be ok with you screwing another guy/girl as well.
3. A threesome with no kissing doesn’t sound very fun. Again, you have to want to see your bf with someone.
4. You are not obligated to do this
5. Keep us posted if you do and how it goes!
How would he feel about having a mfm three way? Maybe the person you choose should be a man.
I’m going to tell you what I tell my patients:
For the love of all things, stay the hell off tik tok. Do not get skin advice from them. In your case, don’t take love advice from some punk teenager with a big mouth who’s never truly lived.
There are many happy open relationships/relationships where people invite others in. Bc they want to and both partners are COMFORTABLE with it. It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other or are cheating, it’s how they work together as a couple.
Having a fantasy a person wants to try does not mean they don’t love you. Or that they want to cheat (sometimes it does, but not always).
If you are not comfortable with a threesome, do not do it. Tell your partner this. It’s a hard limit for you. I’ll tell you right now, jealousy has no place in a threesome, so do not do it if you are easily made jealous.