Hello all, long time lurker first time poster. I’m a 23 year old woman and a full time graduate student. I’ve done a lot of moving around but now that I’m in one place for at least two years I figured that I’d hop back on the dating apps. It’s hard to meet people IRL when you don’t even have any friends to go do stuff with yet. I recently met a very nice guy on Hinge. In fact, I just got back from a date with him. It was great. He is so kind and empathetic and super funny, and he seems intelligent. But there’s something about him that’s… off. But I don’t think it’s him…I think it’s me.
I’ve only ever been in 3 really committed relationships. I’ve had a lot of flings and situationships but those are different. When I moved I made the decision that, for my mental health, I’d only be interested in seriously dating people moving forward. Situationships and FWB always kinda mess me up in the end so I decided to take control of that. I’ve spent the last 2 years being exclusively casual with people because I got burned to the core by my last relationship, but I’m now finding that not having a full connection with someone can hurt me as well so I just want to make things serious with someone for the first time in a while.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that my first and my last relationship both started and ended the same way. They started with compliments, with gifts, with lots and lots of love, and ended with them trying to change me or getting mad at me for being who I am, and then eventually cheating on me and leaving me in the dust. I wish I was making that up.
But this guy I met with today is so nice. Very charming and he really seems to like me and wants something serious too. He wants to understand me and get to know me. And i am the most nervous and terrified that I’ve been in a long time because all I can think about it how this ended last time and the time before that. I know I deserve someone who really wants me and who cares about me a lot. But it also scares me to think that people want me that much….like it can’t be true because they’re just going to change.
I’m just looking for some advice, or maybe a shared experience. I feel very alone on this and like I can’t talk to anyone about it but maybe one of you can relate to me.
1 comment
Take it slow. Communicate. If that off feeling is still there then it’s probably not going to work out. I know that feeling. I’ve had it with a few dates. I really liked them and I especially wanted to be with someone so much that I couldn’t accept the fact we most likely weren’t compatible for each other. None of them ever ended up becoming a longterm partner.