Advice on lack of action in the bedroom
TLDR at the bottom.
Me and my girlfriend are together for almost 4 years, we have had our ups and downs like most couples, but the last year the quality of our sex life has hit rock bottom. We fight often and this reflects bad in the bedroom, as she does not feel in the mood for sexy time, because she feels hurt from me and our fights and I completely respect that, then things get better and we are having fun and I initiate, only to get rejected again and again even when I try to be super romantic and I really am careful not to be pushy and annoying. I really tried explaining how intimacy is very important for one healthy relationship and how that would help us be more loving with one another and fight less. In the beginning things were great, I have a high sex drive, while hers tends to be lower, but we managed to align somehow and always had very long and amazing sex. But for the past year and a half things are just getting worse and worse, we started doing it maybe once a month if I got lucky and now even that is gone and we have not done anything more than light kissing for more than 6 months. I have asked and she says she finds me attractive and is into me, she still takes her birth control and I am completely certain she is not cheating on me and she wants to spend time with me. I see she is also frustrated from this, she does not do anything solo for sexual pleasure and I think that and her work stresses her out and she is very easily irritated. When we talk she just gets aggressive how I did this or that, and how it’s my fault she doesn’t want to do it because so and so and brings up mistakes I did 2-3 years ago if there no current problems. And when reflecting on myself I know I can be toxic sometimes, specifically lately as I am also dissatisfied, but I really do try and with zero intimacy I feel less and less motivated to keep trying to make things work and I think at some point I will stop being attracted to her and just end things. How do I bring this up with her in the most non threatening and chill way possible or should I just be more firm?
TLDR: Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 4 years and at the beginning our sex life was great and for the past year and a half we barely even do it, because of stupid fights, she does not wish to have any physical intimacy until I behave better and gets aggressive when I mention it.
3 comments
Sounds like your relationship has simply ran it course. Time to move on
Are you willing to stay regardless of the struggle? I’m sure she’s only apathetic sexually with you. If it was a hot guy she knows for her past life, all that goes out of the window. Women only have standards for men they don’t like. Unfortunately right now , you’re on her sh*t list. Sometimes it’s easier to cut your loses and move on.
TBH…this is actually kind or normal for couples.Well married couples and long term relationships. Seriously, sometimes couples just have dryspells like this where you fight often or get on each other’s nerves so much and subsequently both of you or one of the partners (usually the woman because sex can be a more emotional experience for them) prefer to not be intimate while this rough patch in the relationship is going on. IK in the comments and in today’s society is the norm to breakup/divorce the first sign of “inreconsicble difference”, especially with Social media that makes ppl thinks they have “options” so why stick it out.
LOOK it’s normal to have verbal fights with your partner and moments when the two of you can’t stand each other much less want to have sex with each other. The important thing is to be respectful to each other, identify what is it that the two of you are getting made over and how can that be fixed. It’s not easy living and sharing a space with another human being but compromises and effective communication can solve that.
Me and my wife of 10 years are happily married but 2 out of those 10 years we couldn’t stand each other🤣.Just like you no sex for me when the wife’s is angry and I have a high sex drive and she does too. We both would sleep in separate beds but she has her “toys” and I have my porn so we’re relieving ourselves that way. But yh it’s hard to come home to a woman that’s not giving you any action (it’s our caveman brain saying we just came from hunting and want to be gratified with sex) but you wife or GF isnt a sex object to have your way wife whenever you like. And you have to remember that.
Fix, resolve and work on what the two of you are fighting over. Reach compromises that are within reason. Don’t be pushy. Go about your day. Try to keep a healthy relationship going even if the sex isn’t there because you guys are mad at each other or argue alot. Eventually the two of you will resolve issues over time or just figure out what to say and what not to say. (Trust me I learned this the hard way) and eventually she might probably be the one to ask you for sex and if your anything like me and my wife resume being intimate everyday and everyother day like nothing even happened🫡. Hope this gave some perspective.