How do you look someone in the eyes during conversation?

33 comments

1. Just do it. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, but you have to start sometime. The best people to start with are ones you’re already very comfortable to be around.

2. Look slightly above their eyes. Not so much that it looks like you’re looking at their hair or over their head but enough that your eye contact isn’t so direct.

3. Practice with someone you trust.

4. It’s an excuse to be able to enjoy the view of a pretty persons face without coming off as a creeper. I don’t see the difficulty

5. The in-ability to maintain eye contact is a common symptom of autism. I am on the spectrum and eye contact in damn near impossible.

6. Enter into “observation mode”.

   It’s easier when you see them as an object to observe than someone to engage with.
   I know it sounds bad or objectifying someone, but this works for me.

   The goal isn’t to actually objectify people, but it’s to put yourself in a position where you are like a spectator, slightly unattached from your position in the conversation.

7. Same here. I’m super shy in general so I look down a lot when I talk with people. I’m trying to Unlearn that habit. It’s been hard for me to look at people for too long in a conversation. I end up looking down again or look around somewhere else. Can’t control that it just happens.

8. Don’t focus on the eyes, focus on the point between the eyes. This way the person thinks you’re looking straight into their eyes without actually doing it.

9. >more nerve-racking when it’s someone that I find myself attracted to or someone that I highly respect

   They are human. They also face similar feelings to you with other people. They likely don’t think they are better than you. And if they do, then that by definition makes them not highly respectable, which means you don’t need to feel intimidated by them

10. Just be assertive and stare them in the eyes, make it your goal to make them nervous lol

11. Practice. Or look right between their eyes. I used to have the same problems to the point where I couldn’t even make eye contact with myself in the mirror.

12. I used to practice a lot by making myself look into the eyes of news or sportscasters on TV. It’s no risk and it helped me.

13. It’s a culture thing.

    A lot of cultures (human) do it to show interest, paying attention, sincerity or etc. Honestly I’m surprised it is still so strongly suggested as such with internet and phone communication but it is.

    A lot of Animals see it as threat and will not look at each other directly as it may mean a fight to the death.

    ​

    It’s something that was well, taught by Father’s to look at them when being encouraged, punished etc. “Look at me BOY.” It didn’t matter if you did a good job bad job being punished you looked at them. To be a man, you are expected to stand there and take it, good, bad, ugly, fair, unfair and even death.

    “Look at me BOY. Life isn’t fair. No-one will ever care about your feelings.”
    (More so a reference as anyone that matters, in the greater context of the world, it doesn’t care and never does, never will. It’s not that your father or family doesn’t care, but that they have to prepare their child for the world not caring. That people will walk by after you been robbed stabbed by a knife or shot, and continue to work as you stumble around bloody trying to survive it.)

    By the way anyone who thinks people will do something about it. When I was younger I use to walk around looking like I have been knifed or almost murdered. The only thing that happened (besides at 2 different concerts where 2 paramedics came to check on me), is someone called my dad 2 weeks later and asked if I was ok that they saw me walking looking like I lost a fight.

14. I’ve never even thought of that being a problem. I guess I just don’t think about it. I just think of them as a peer and that they are interested in what I am saying/telling them.

15. Well, you’re already kind of explaining this. The nature of you asking, on top of the anxiety that you’re placing on this, shows that you either don’t think highly of yourself, or aren’t confident enough to carry a conversation the way others traditionally do it

    There’s no social hacking for this; we can’t tell you a life hack to look at someone’s eyes when your internal programming doesn’t want you to do it

    So the main goal here is to solve the problem at it’s source.

    Why is this so hard for for you? Why is this a challenge for yourself? Have honest conversations as to why you feel this way, and then you at least have the hard data there to come up with an actionable solution

    Because the other thing to be mindful of with this, is that this is a self-imposed improvement. No one cares about you enough to give meaningful advice, and by extension, we don’t know enough about you to get the answer you want.

    This isn’t something you ask others for help, it’s something that’s generally solved by experiencing it firsthand, and getting more comfortable in the field

16. Weird factoid for the day. You can’t look at anyone in the eyes. You have to pick one eye to look at. You can’t look directly at both eyes at the same time. lol

17. As with anything and everything in life: practice.

18. I don’t have a hard time doing it, I just forget to sometimes, especially if it’s a very quick interaction.

19. 3 second rule

20. It doesnt come naturally to me either, but as others have said with practice it does get easier. Start by putting an effort with clerks at the store or gas station with the basic checkout talk and move on from there

21. Aim for the spot right between their eyes.

22. Force it.

23. Eye contact is for the timid. I go straight to Threat Level MIDNIGHT and stare at the crotch.

24. I agree with the majority. Simply attempt to hold eye contact. Of course, there is a learning curve that feels uncomfortable, but it gets easier with repetition. I was on the same boat, friend, now I love it, there’s something so intense about it like no other.

25. You stare at their forehead.. easiest easy to go

26. It’s much easier if you pull your penis out first and then stare them down.

27. *”How do you look someone in the eyes during conversation?”*

    By looking someone in the eyes.

    I guess this is today’s:

    “Dear Reddit, how do I human?”

    Question of the day.

28. Look at the bridge of their nose

29. I suffer from mild paranoia, which was made worse in the military. I am constantly scanning my surroundings.

    I don’t maintain eye contact. I look at your hairline to see over your head. Or I look at your ear to see around you.

    To my knowledge, nobody notices anything beyond just constantly scanning

30. by trying desperately to not stare at her tits

31. I know a few people irl who struggled with this. They said it actually worked to look at the tip of their nose or the point between their eyebrows to start

32. Try and imagine their eyeballs are boobs

33. Try, fail, try, fail, try a little longer etc.. a good tip I found is starting off not looking in the eyes and then at the last sentence or word, look them in the eyes and maintain eye contact after you finished