Guy and I have been seeing each other (very often) for almost 1 month. We feel a genuine connection and are both very enthusiastic about a potential future together. He is obligated to stay in the city for another 5 years, and although I have plans to relocate next year, I told him if we were to get serious, I wouldn’t mind staying longer for him. Thus, our pacing has been a bit fast, but the situation forces us to hash out the big things to determine our compatibility. He treats me very well, kind, caring, things look promising, seemingly someone I have been waiting for after years of broken relationships. On side note, he has never been in a relationship. We are planning to be official by next month. Parents and friends on both sides know about us.
Last night, he went to use the bathroom. Mysterious text popped up on his phone “Goodnight bby!❤️” I opened the conversation and was in shock. The entire time, he has been sexting with another girl, with her sending him provocative photos and him giving her all the attention and compliments. *fast-forward* I confronted him about it right away. He explained that she is a “friend/hook up from college” from who is mentally unstable and going through tough stretch in life. She is extremely insecure and has been relying on sexting with him the past year. *fast-forward me being hurt about being blind-sighted* He REFUSES to tell her that he is seeing me/ cutting her off due to fear that SHE WILL KILL HERSELF because she needs him. He said he would rather lose me than to risk her killing herself. But he recognizes w.e. relationship they have is toxic and parasitic, but also willing to continue this with her indefinitely!?!?
I packed my stuff, half-way out the door, but then I stayed to seek a solution. He cried/apologized profusely and said everything he feels for me is genuine and that he is just being fake to her. I played therapist for him and his situation with this chick for the next few hours, but he still doesn’t know when he will be ready to cut her off (for himself and me).
I don’t know what to think of this or how to proceed from here, as I have issues with setting boundaries myself. Please help!
(TLDR): Found out my soon-to-be boyfriend has been sexting his mentally unstable and insecure friend. He refuses to tell her about me nor cut her off because he is afraid she may not take the news well and kill herself. He would rather lose me than to take that risk.
3 comments
There is no solution besides him stopping communication with that girl. I would be out the door already. 1 month in and he’s sexting with another woman the whole time? No thank you. Know your worth, OP.
>We feel a genuine connection and are both very enthusiastic about a potential future together.
>He treats me very well, kind, caring, things look promising, seemingly someone I have been waiting for after years of broken relationships.
So, see those things you said above?
>The entire time, he had been sexting another girl
This line just above *completely contradicts all of the previous above lines*.
His reasoning for not cutting off or stopping sexting this other women is complete and utter bollocks. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and you are basically the side chick in this (almost) relationship.
You’re being played, and he’s played you pretty well to get you thinking along the lines of him being someone in the middle of a bad situation, rather than him just being a cheater and having no interest in a monogamous relationship.
Well one way to find out, right? 😈