Me (f17) and my boyfriend (m19) have been dating for almost a year now.
Background info: My boyfriend’s type is chubby girls and I used to be kinda skinny. (Still am but not that much)
After we had been dating for 4 months we got into an argument because of it. He said that I’m not his type but I’m his “second type”. He also said how he would prefer if I were a little bit bigger. Because I was desperate for validation and attention from him I said that I could get more weight.
This was a horrible decision. My self esteem went down and I’m not comfortable in my body anymore. I decided to lose some weight and get my old body back. When I told him this and the reasons why I want to do it he got really upset and mad. When I told him that it’s not that important if I’m not more of his type anymore he said “But I’m your boyfriend? I’m not asking you to be more but why do you need to be less?” After that he continued “I know I’m not supposed to be mad at you because of this, but I can’t help it that it hurts.”
I’m speechless and don’t even know how to react. If his type is that important why is he even with me? Why can’t he support me etc? 🙁
7 comments
Oh my God if someone is body policing you and telling you what body type to have, break up now. You are 17 years old. Move on.
Gross. He should want you to be healthy and feel comfortable. His fetish is less important than you being comfortable in your own skin. Your boyfriend’s priorities are messed up.
Eww lmfao. Dump him.
Oh dear.
You do not exist to please your boyfriend. Your body does not exist to please your boyfriend. You are beautiful and worthy of love as you currently are, not the ideal that someone else wants you to be.
While you should expect to grow with another person, NEVER change yourself for another person.
“But I’m your bf” is manipulative. He’s trying to guilt you into doing what he wants.
A good partner should always want what’s best for you and want you to improve and become the best version of yourself that you can be. BUT, the key is that the “best version” is defined by YOU not him.
Finally, there are a few key areas where you need to be very watchful when dealing with partners as they are often ways to dominate and control you. Many partners want prefer their partners to be less desirable, less educated with fewer job and career opportunities, and make less money as a way to ensure that they’re trapped in the relationship.
Always be wary when a partner seeks to push you into doing something that the majority of other people would say is not in your best interests – like gaining weight.
I don’t think this guy is for you. He is trying to police your body and your choices about your body. How you handle you health is up to you. Not him.
FYI I was skinny when I was young, chubby when older and now I bit overweight. At all stages of my body fluctuation I’ve had men like or love me as I am.
Current bf says that my weight doesn’t hinder his love for me but that we should make healthier choices due to our age. He supports my journey to help and all its tears and joy.
Find someone who wants you happy and feeling healthy, not telling you what to do with your body.
Narcissist much?!?