New account for obvious reasons – but yeah, he’s been really busy with work and doesn’t have a lot of free time anymore. And although I still love him very much and he loves me too, my libido is going crazy and I feel like I need an outlet that he currently can’t keep up with(not his fault, again he’s really busy and stressed). I finally got the confidence to ask him if he would be OK with me living out my kinks online anonymously, and to my surprise he was totally down with it. On the condition that I keep him aware of what’s going on and that it stays strictly online and not in person.

I’m at a crossroads, one side of me is absolutely ready to jump in head first and explore, but another part of me is scared of what can happen to our relationship.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, I would absolutely love to hear how it went and if you have any advice. It would be very appreciated.

13 comments

  1. Do it? I don’t know – you’re both adults and you’re communicating. Seems like a no brainer to me! If you don’t like it, you’ll stop – if he doesn’t like it, he’ll tell you.

  2. One thing that might help is to start slow with something like r/dirtypenpals If you’re completely anonymous and it’s all via text it’s highly unlikely to get out of control and it might give you a chance to see what it feels like.

    Personally I think just reading other people’s prompts can be really hot and interesting.

  3. I disagree with the two so far. That is a line that can never be uncrossed. Do you really want to bet your entire life it won’t go wrong? Remember the promise to forsake all others? Bad idea IMO

  5. I would say give him complete access and control. He can see all messages and tell you to pull back. While this may sound controlling. It’s a great way to keep him involved in your sex life.

  6. I’m in a very similar situation and have done it on and off for a few years.

    I can’t speak for you but in my own experience it doesn’t help that much. It’s fun for a few weeks/ months. You have new ideas and energy for when your husband is available. Seems like a win win. But then you’re all riled up with with no “real” outlet and it can get frustrating. Plus your kinks can expand quickly because of the freedom and it can get… intense. Not to mention weeding through the creeps, getting ghosted in the middle of a good story, wild actions that kill your buzz, just basically dealing with the anonymous public.

    I found that distractions work better than trying to lean into my libido. Things like work, projects, hobbies, exercise, cleaning, volunteering. Basically anything that doesn’t turn you on but still keeps you physically and mentally engaged. (Edit to add: I also like to plan/ prepare elaborate scenes and costumes for when my husbands available. It’s a more useful outlet for when my mind wanders since the focus is still on him and reality)

    By all means try it out if you’re curious. Just be prepared and mentally in tune with your feelings and moods are as you progress. Be sure you’re giving your partner 100% of your attention when they’re around, don’t even look at your messages. And remember stranger danger so no real info or pictures. Safety first!

  10. Just keep in mind, with a partner that really connect with you, you can get the feels HARD. Even if it’s just online.

  11. Hi! I’m in a pretty similar situation, and my husband and I just started doing this about two weeks ago. It’s been super fun for me. My husband and I check in pretty regularly, and he has rules about certain things like pictures and videos. I would love to talk more if you have questions or want to compare notes!

  12. Go for it. But know that pending the kink, it can become work real fast. You won’t know until you try.

  13. Jump and the ground will be there for you!

    Live is short, be brave, and cheer for me when I jump in too! Ha- recently got a go ahead but sometimes it’s good to make sure. But there’s a full moon this week- my libido has been insane too.

    I’m thinking about not having enough human interaction in the pandemic- and now everyone needs to fuck or meditate. Heal the trauma~

    Many blessings towards joy and release ~

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