i’m 26 (f) my boyfriend is 26 (m). i jus wanna know how do you know if you’re ready to get married? i’ve been receiving some pressure lately and the idea of being with my boyfriend is exciting and keeps me daydreaming.
a part of me however is still uncertain. i’m not sure if i’ve already done enough for myself to settle down.
9 comments
Every one is different. I got married at 22 but I know people getting married in their late 40s.
After 3-5 years of dating.
Or some other timeframe.
Who is pressuring you?
There’s no set answer for everyone. I always recommend couples wait at LEAST 2 years, ideally more and live together for a time before hand. It’s hard to know who someone truly is until you live with them.
As for how to know you’re ready, that’s a personal feeling that everyone experiences differently. I “just knew” my husband was for me. It was a deep gut feeling that I can’t really describe
When you realize you values and family values align. Do not do it off of good chemistry
There’s no right answer.
Here’s my quick and dirty check list:
If he got 10% worse in the way he treats you/his ability to take care of the house would you be ok with it? Marriage doesn’t make anything better. Typically if people change they don’t change for the better. So if he took you on dates less, spent more time on hobbies, and cleaned less would that be ok? (10% of a change for each)
Are you both able to live on your own? I don’t mean literally but let’s say you broke up tomorrow would you both be able to figure out a roof, figure out how to pay bills, figure out how to go grocery shopping and prepare some kind of food, and keep your living area clean? This is because it’s good to want each other but not need each other in an unhealthy codependent way.
Is your life better with him in it? For example does he add to your stress or reduce it? Does he add to keeping the house clean or does he make the house dirtier because he doesn’t clean up after himself?
Do you share a vision for your life? Are you on the same page about kids, where you live, how you manage finances, and anything else that’s important to you?
In the relationship balanced? This doesn’t mean everything is 50/50 but rather no one feels like the other is taking advantage. This could mean you both have similar pay and take similar care of the house, or it could mean one of you works and the other runs the house, or anything else that brings you both joy. It’s about you both feeling able to go after your dreams and the other supporting those dreams instead of one person’s dreams being the only ones that matter.
Do you feel married and just need to do the paperwork and have a party or are you expecting something to change? If you’re waiting for something to change you’re probably not ready (unless for religious/cultural reasons you aren’t living together/having sex. If that’s the case a lot of these will be hard to figure out just because you won’t have enough experience and that’s ok)
I just knew. We got married 2 years after we met, 1 year after we started dating. We knew it was time when we were about 6 months into “unit thinking” – thinking about our big decisions in terms of our shared goals and happiness. We had mentally merged the tracks of our lives before we got engaged and I think that’s a very important stage to be at. It takes a different amount of time for different people. We’ve been happily married for 3 years.
After you have been together for a few years and are content this is your lifelong partner. Make sure you have similar goals and aspirations as a family and most important similar morals and values . I highly recommend going to a pre marriage seminar or counseling. Not to address a problem but more as success counseling.
I got married at age 28. Was dating wife 3 years lived together 1 year.
thats really a matter of culture and opinion…