Five months have passed since my boyfriend and I started dating. Before me, he had been entangled in a complex, on-and-off relationship with a girl named Nastya, spanning over two and a half years.
Truth be told, I’ve always been envious of Nastya. From the glimpses I’d seen in pictures and heard from my friends, she is a 10/10, not just in terms of her looks but her character as well.
When we first got together, I couldn’t resist the urge to dig into their history. My boyfriend’s initial accounts of Nastya were far from flattering; he described her as someone who had never truly cared for him, someone who had pursued relationships with other men and had a controlling and bossy attitude. Truth be told, his description of Nastya reassured me that there’s nothing to worry about.
However, all my reassurances shattered at a recent graduation ceremony. We had been planning this formal event for months because it was our first public appearance as a couple. During the ceremony, something made me uneasy: my boyfriend didn’t introduce me to his university friends as his girlfriend. It made me feel insecure and uncomfortable.
My boyfriend then suggested that we could go talk to a female friend from uni and it was an evil surprise when I realized that this friend was Nastya. My boyfriend’s response to seeing her was really strange; he stared at her with a seductive, dreamy look in his eyes. He started fidgeting around and became really nervous in general.
When he finally did introduce me, he did so in a way that seemed designed to provoke jealousy in Nastya. He made our happiness and future plans sound much more grandiose than they actually were, as if he was trying to impress her.
The tension in the air thickened as my boyfriend interrogated Nastya about her upcoming vacation plans and his jealousy became obvious.
The discomfort didn’t end with the ceremony. Later, I found out my boyfriend had sent Nastya flirty messages after the graduation ceremony. I was really surprised to see that his messages even included suggestive jokes, lots of compliments and hints that they should meet up in the future. It made me feel really down as I read through them
Finding out about these messages left me feeling really uncomfortable. It made me wonder what my boyfriend’s real intentions are and whether he still has strong feelings for Nastya. I can’t shake the doubt that maybe I am just a temporary part of his life, someone to fill a gap until he can be with Nastya again.
What is your opinion on this?
TL;DR – I’ve been with my boyfriend for five months. He had an on-and-off relationship with Nastya, which made me jealous. At a recent graduation party with Nastya present, he exaggerated our relationship. I later found flirty messages he sent to her, leaving me hurt and worried about his feelings for Nastya.
5 comments
He’s sending flirty texts to another girl while dating you. That’s cheating in my book and unacceptable.
It’s a sad reality that people sometimes enter a new relationship without being honest about where they are in the process of putting their previous relationship behind them. We can be selfish little creatures that seek out comfort. If this is infact what your boyfriend is doing, then it’s not fair to you.
Have a conversation and ask him openly about how he feels about his ex and whether he still pines for her.
Does he still think of her and picture a life with her?
Does he still think she is his true love?
A) If the answer is yes, you need to be prepared to make a difficult choice. Accepting him in this state is not impissible but it would require a lot of openness, honesty, and effort on his end. He would have to cut her out of his life and heal. To the brain, love and drug addiction are the same. Exposure to an ex is fundamentally like taking a bump of cocaine while you’re trying to kick the habit. He either loves you and believes in a future enough to make this change for you, or he doesn’t.
B) If he says he doesn’t pine for her then you’ll have to trust him and hope he’s not gaslighting you. If he’s gaslighting you it would be become apparent eventually as it would lead to all kinds of dysfunctionional behavior. You’ll have to hold him accountable to make you comfortable. You’ll have to monitor your relationship closely and be ready to exit the relationship if it ever becomes apparent that you are just an option while he figures out how to be with his ex again.
Good luck.
Is she in his phone as Nasty?
Introducing you to his friends not as his girlfriend is gross. Introducing you (without giving you a heads up) to her is gross. Going on and on saying you’re his girlfriend and giving blown up details about future plans is gross. THEN texting her flirty messages?! So so gross.
Regardless of his intentions (which likely aren’t good), dump him. You deserve better and he’s trash.
This was most definitely an attempt at making her jealous. When he didn’t introduce you as girlfriend to his friends this was the big giveaway. You are only a rebound or temporary until he can get his girlfriend back. You deserve better than this fool