TLDR: long distance is killing my relationship. But I am uncertain on how to move forward and need advice.
Over the past few months I met a girl who i began to foster an incredible relationship with. I haven’t been in a steady relationship for some time due to traveling for work and returning to school so I can get a better job in my future, as well as past trauma. When this started out I was more surprised than anyone.
We share the same life goals, outlooks on fundamental problems, love for nature and many of the same activities like diving, exploring, hiking, learning about nature, the list goes on but for sake of being concise I will stop with those. We connected on a level I have never had with any of my past relationships, she was like a breath of fresh air in my life and before she came into it I had been suffocating this entire time.
Admittedly it began to move far faster then either of us began to realize, and we confessed our love to each other within the first two months of dating.
But as the months rolled by, and our seasonal work came to an end our travels started again. I have plans to go back to school across country, and she has international travel plans.
The first few weeks of our long distance relationship was fine but then it became very tough part way through this past month.
Finally the other week she said she wanted to break off the relationship, not due to love lost between us as she has said that even to her what we share has been incredibly special, but because it was tough on her with the distance and due to how fast it moved she also mentioned she needs to do some self searching, as the anxiety of how serious our relationship could be is a tough one for travellers and something I have experienced for myself about 4 years earlier.
I am completely on her side and want to support her on this part of her journey in life and so I can respect calling it off. That being said, we are keeping in touch and every few days she will tell me she loves me again, but the next day I get ghosted as her anxiety comes back (she hasn’t mentioned this specifically to me but has hinted at it several times.).
I understand this is part of her growing process in understanding herself and her feelings in the matter, but I am more then a bit hurt because once she speaks with me again it is clear by her mannerisms that she is mentally forcing me further and further away but won’t talk with me about the feelings she is fighting with.
I want to try to keep fostering our relationship as friends and continue to get to know her better while trying to support her through this path she is taking, but I fear in doing so I may end up closing the door on any future relations that we could have.
Call me a hopeless romantic but I am in desperate need of advice/suggestions on how I should move forward.