Some backstory I have been cheated on in the past and it has made me relatively paranoid so I want to approach this situation carefully and make sure I am not seeing ghosts before I proceed.
The backstory, my gf of \~4 years went on a work outing for 2 weeks to get training for her new job. Was in a different city so we didn’t see each other for some time. All fine and normal. However, a couple weeks down the road I notice that we are no longer each others main person we are talking to on snapchat. Was a goofy thing and did not bother me at the time I just thought it was one of her friends etc. Days later I am on her phone about to send myself something and it is giving recommendations of people to send it to, and the number one person is this Guy from her work on snapchat. This is about 2 weeks later as well so they had been chatting a lot. At this point I was a little anxious. My curiosity got the better of me and I looked more through her phone. It looks like on the last day of her work trip she went over to his hotel room solo for drinks at around 9:30 pm. From the messages it looks like no people were over as well so it was 1 on 1. A little bit suspicious but the thing that is really freaking me out is that day she had googled “how to tell if someone likes you over text”.
tldr; my gf of 4 years went to guys hotel room late at night to drink 1 on 1 and same day she had googled “how to tell if someone likes you”.
I would like to talk to her about this but I am scared of coming across needy having gone through her phone etc. How should I proceed?
12 comments
First off stop going through peoples private devices and then blaming your lack of control about you being cheated on in the past…Then like all good relationships, you should be able to have an open and honest communication with your partner about the matter. Instead of pretending you dont know or waiting for something to happen, speak up now..
Dude. She went into another person’s hotel room alone. And she hasn’t mentioned this person to you at all. Clearly she’s cheating, or about to cheat. Either way, remove her from your life. Mind you, this isn’t a court of law, but it might be nice to have some evidence. Get ahead of her narrative. Tell your parents by phone call. Put all of her stuff into bags and leave it outside. Change your locks. Tell her parents that you appreciated how nice they were to you, but you won’t tolerate cheating. Send her a text saying I KNOW, then block and no contact with her, get reacquainted with buddies, hit the gym. Find some new hobbies. You don’t want to be with this person.
If you looked through my search history you’d find “best ways to dispose of a dead body”. But of course I havent killed anyone. Know what I mean? đ
Well, it’s time to tell her you dug through her phone, explain what you found, and see what she has to say. But honestly, be prepared for this conversation to end in a breakup, and honestly, unless there’s some small chance there is actually a good explanation for this, you SHOULD plan on breaking up with her.
You talk with her. At the very least, itâs inappropriate that she went to a male coworkers hotel room for drinks while in a committed relationship. According to her google search, sheâs interested. This is something that after 4 years, you absolutely should be able to discuss. You arenât being paranoid.
People will tell you that you shouldnât have went through her phone , which is true, but whatâs done is done. Like someone else said, you admitting it at this point could very well cause a breakup. I would wiggle it out gently like âhey whoâs *snapchat guy*? â sheâll probably ask why and just say he was snapping her when you were looking at memes on her phone or whatever you naturally do on there and youâre just curious. Then go from there and see how she responds. Ask if they hung out on the trip or whatever .
If you bring up the hotel thing she can easily say they werenât alone and truthfully you wouldnât be able to verify it one way or another. She could have also googled it to gauge how she should talk to him since theyâre coworkers and she doesnât want it to get messy if she thinks he likes her.
Buuuut in my opinion it looks like cheating may definitely be on the table. If not physical , then emotional cheating which is still unfaithful
If she wasnât cheating, she would have let you know she was hanging out with him. She went to his hotel room for one reason. And she has continued to talk to him afterwards. Sounds like he is the new boyfriend, and youâre about to get replaced. Tell her that you know what she did and watch her reaction
She has displayed a major red flag of poor judgment, lack of respect for you, and no value of her relationship with you. You dump a girlfriend with red flags like that and start looking for a better one. Her going to another manâs hotel room at 9:30 PM is cheating even if they only talked about bunny rabbits and kittens while they drank. However, he most likely plowed her and fill her honey-hole with his sausage cream. Likely, you were treated to some of it as a snack because those swimmers stay around for up to six days. You donât need more information. She is a girlfriend; not a wife. She has now 100% FAILED her âpotential wifeâ interview, and it is time for you to move on before moving on means the government forces you to hand over half your stuff and send her alimony slave payments. If he is married, tell his wife! This should be a cold, no contact after, send her packing breakup. Do not give her drama. Be cold as a stone until she is gone.
!updateme
All the signs point to sheâs cheating or about to. Itâs gonna hurt but I think you should end the relationship. Donât get upset, donât call her names, just pack your stuff and go. Focus on building yourself up
Oh c’mon dude… We all know where that’s headed.
Just confront her with what you’ve seen and see how she reacts and trust your gut.
Yeah man whether you are right or wrong you have lost your trust in her….. every behaviour of hers from here is going to be under question…I would have a forthright conversation but I would be leaning out the door