Numb

My husband played me like a damn fiddle. My husband (43m) & I(24f) got married less than 3 MONTHS ago. My husband’s hobby is creating music. I’ve always supported his music career since we met. Music is what got him out of a dark place. Music was a coping mechanism for him. When we might we were in dark places in life and somehow things blossomed. We saw each other at our worst and that didn’t change how we felt about each. From my end I’ve been raw and truthful about everything.
My husband would go on tour or to different shows regarding his music. Usually he goes without me because I’m not blessed with the same amount of PTO, he has. I went on the last tour with him after our wedding. It was a great experience. However, there was a female artist there are who made my blood boil every time I saw her. Two months prior, I noticed she was laying it on thick in his Instagram comments. I pointed it out to him, and he told me it was all in my head. When they crossed paths during the tour, they had an odd energy around them, and I couldn’t tell why. Now I know why.
Two weeks ago, he went to a show in Brooklyn for the 50th hip-hop anniversary. It was a four-day trip, and he laid out his itinerary for me. The last two days is when things started to get weird. He started lying about little details. He started acting funny. At one point he told me he was going to one state to talk to a tour manager, but he ended up in a different state. Not only was he in a different state he was in a hotel.
Earlier that weekend, I asked for his password to his Mac, so I can work on some assignments for my job . When my husband began to act funny. I logged in and check his messages. In the messages he was pleading to his friend for help….. why are you pleading for help? Then I noticed a message with heart-eyed emojis to a number that was not mine. Turns out he slept in a hotel with the same woman he gaslit me about.
That’s not even a crazy part of the story. I was willing to look past us and work on our marriage. This is when it gets crazy. My husband has been suffering from alcoholism. He has some deep childhood trauma that he hasn’t dealt with yet. I get it not everyone is fortunate enough to go to therapy. Today I drove over two hours after working an eight hour shift to help get him to rehab. When I got home. I couldn’t help but to check the Mac again. I truly one of the reassurance that he was not talking to that girl again.
Well, I got my reassurance he’s not talking to her anymore. Instead, I found messages with him calling somebody else baby. He was talking dirty to them and sending them nudes. Turns out he’s on the DL. He is on the fucking DL…… I’m not mad that he’s bisexual or whatever he might categorize himself as. It’s because all he has done is lied to me and the other people he has been cheating with. I’ve never felt so numb and stupid. I’m sparing so much details. What do I do now?
I married this man in front of my family friends and coworkers.
How can I disappear from off the face of the Earth?