I [20F] am bisexual have been with my male partner [22M] for over a year. I love him a lot and enjoy spending time with him. In the beginning we had lots of really good sex but recently I feel no sexual attraction towards him. The more I have thought about it I don’t think I feel sexually attraction towards men in general, but I do feel emotionally attracted.
I have been wanting to explore sexuality with women more recently but don’t want to break up or start an open relationship to do so.
I’m conflicted because I want to be with him emotionally but don’t know if I can stay with him sexually.
Do I stay with him?
31 comments
have you told him any of this?
Just break up with him as quickly and as cleanly as possible. Don’t put him through unnecessary emotional turmoil. Just make it quick. Poor guy has no idea what’s about to happen to him 🙁
He has a right to know and be part of the decision
Emotionali atracted but not sexualiy….he is then friend to yo not boyfriend🤔
Yeah, leave. Had the same situation 6 years ago with one man and to this day I think he was the best boyfriend I ever had, but I am not sorry I left cause being with someone without being sexually attracted to is torture. He was actually really grateful I told him and we stayed good friends, he is even getting married soon and I am happy for him.
This is so sad. Open communication is the foundation of a good relationship. You need to talk to him and voice your feelings so he can decide whether he wants to continue to pursue a relationship with you or move on.
If you really aren’t attracted to him, you should break.
One for the sake of you being able to explore yourself.
But also, he deserves to be with someone that wants him and finds him sexy. You’re keeping him from that if you stay together
I would share and quite frankly act
You’re very young and repressing your default sexual desires is going to drive you crazy AND will fail to do so indefinitely
Just word it carefully
If you can avoid emasculating or humiliating him that would be – very very helpful
If you can tell him it’s not him, you love him, but this other side of your sexuality is rising to the surface
You never know what he’ll say
He might even tell you to go for it
Probably not, but you just dont know until you talk
Then tell him. His time is no less valuable than yours and that is a very important detail to know if he’s thinking about a future. Maybe he’s ok with that, maybe not, but if you care for him, don’t make his life part of your lie of omission.
If you have any feelings for him, or any respect for him, he will go ahead and break up. Don’t drag them along when you are. That would be very unfair to him.
No you shouldn’t stay with him because he deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive and desires him in the way he probably desires you, if possible you can try to maintain a friendship if you still wish to have his presence in your life but staying with him like this is bad for the both of you because 1 it’s not fair to him and 2 your lack of sexual fulfilment will eventually escalate into something that would probably ruin any kind of relationship you can have with him right now or in the future
Break up with him. He doesn’t need to be put through this. Let him find someone who wants him emotionally and sexually.
Then break up with him, and move on.
i was in almost this exact situation when i was 20! turns out, i’m a lesbian! what i thought was my emotional attraction to my boyfriend at the time was just feelings of friendship. breaking up with him was absolutely the best thing for both of us.
i’m not saying that you’ll come to the same conclusion that i did, but at the end of the day, if you don’t feel like you have any attraction to men, you should break up with your male partner and figure out those feelings.
I was where you are and now I have an amazing girlfriend.
I mean, even if you are attracted to men you clearly aren’t feeling that way towards him anymore so it’s unfair to leave him in the dark
37M here with a holistic perspective gained with plenty of trouble and bullcrap.
At least not right now you are not into your guy, or any guy at all.
Welcome to being a grown woman with different, colliding tastes within yourself.
I have a partner myself of 5 years, she a 35F has been just like you.
I suggest you finish with him and go live out your dream.
It will be lonely at times but it is a time for you not just to enjoy but also grow up. Safety and health and enjoyment starts and also ends with you. Remember that. Always.
No one owes us an opportunity, an explanation or health for that matter. We must create and communicate these with our lovers and friends.
You clearly want to move on with ladies at this stage of your life, but remember you might switch back in 10 years or so. Nothing wrong with that.
You can offcourse fuck it up if you are not careful with what kinds of lovers you bring in your life, but also it can become a great time of your life. You grow your brain by living just as you train your muscles by exercising and eating well.
Same with sex and love and everything in between. We are streams of different consciousness and different personalities within us and we must balance between good and bad choices.
I wish you the best possible outcome.
Remember, he doesn’t have to approve of you if you will be honest with him. He doesn’t owe you that. But on the other hand, you don’t have to explain yourself either.
Cheating and double timing on someone with whom you are supposed to be exclusive though, is not cool. Make a hard choice now and enjoy yourself guilt free in the next 10 years, is what I suggest
I think it‘s fair letting him know about this and leaving. You‘ll just keep stringing him along even though you feel no attraction to him, and he might resent you for it.
I used to think that. Then i met my bf.
The best advice I can give is to discuss with him whenever your confident about it. However avoid exploring sexuality with women before talking about it with him, if he learns about it might backfire. Plus, you’ll probably feel guilty of not telling him. Try your best to prepare how your going to say it, how he might accept to hear it and to face the consequences that may lead to a breakup. Is he isn’t ok with the idea, it’s no one’s fault, but it’s your choice to know if you will leave him or not
The bigger question whether he might want to stay with you.
Everyone here’s probably gonna hate this answer. But try getting off birth control. Your attraction to your boyfriend or men in general may change.
First tell him then try doing different things to rekindle the flame. If it doesn’t work then break up.
You should tell him the truth and move on
I wouldn’t advise immediately considering ending the relationship. If you genuinely care about your partner, there might be ways to rekindle the spark. After being together for a year, it’s not uncommon for passion to wane a bit. In many relationships, this happens, so don’t worry about it too much.
It’s important to communicate openly with your partner. Let him know how you’re feeling – that you still love and value him but have noticed a decrease in attraction. His reaction may surprise you, and it could even ignite a fresh spark. Embarking on a journey together to explore new things as a couple can often reinvigorate the relationship. So, don’t hesitate to discuss your feelings and consider trying new experiences together.
Communication! Most these posts would be solved so easily. Especially in your case! Tell him whats up and yall can explore women together. Hell def be excited about it
He deserves to be with someone who desires him as do you. You should break it off now rather than wait till later
Might get downvoted, but it’s a genuine question. Do all bi people switch attraction with time? If you were attracted to him in the beginning why does it change? Some people even claim they’ve become gay after years or straight marriage
What can I tell you, don’t get married and have to come out to your spouse at 36 like I did. That’s not fun. Now, like right now, is the time to better understand yourself so you can set your life up for future happiness. I won’t give you advice on your relationship, but I will give you this bit: get an LGBT-friendly therapist and talk to them about what you’re feeling and thinking.
No.
He has feelings and needs as well. You should let him be loved by someone that can love him fully.
You’re both pretty young, I think you should talk to him about exploring and maybe break up or come to some agreement where you can explore woman
It wouldn’t hurt to talk to a therapist as well.