As someone who used to bite their tongue often so as to not come across as awkward and would often spend more time thinking than speaking during social interactions, attempting to be less socially aware has benefited me a great amount.
I find that the best way to get a conversation going (when it’s silent) is to just start talking about something I find interesting and asking the other person their opinion on it afterwards, and while it skips the formality of small talk build up it seems to work better in my experience when it comes to getting into smooth conversation.
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I think in the social sciences what you are describing is referred to as the observer versus field perspective. If you are very self conscious in social situations the last thing you want to do is mentally be in the perspective of an outside observer watching (and usually criticizing) your every move.
This is a good point. I’ve noticed something similar since I’ve begun observing highly social people a little more closely to see if I can learn something. The absolute randomness of some topics they bring up is baffling when you are observing situations very critically. But it seems like most other people don’t question it and just go with the flow.