We met November of last year and became an official couple in March. Being completely transparent, I settled for less than I deserve arguably because I was desperate for a sustainable connection with one person.
Initially, I was very attracted to him and loved being around him but it quickly wore off and I tolerated way more than acceptable. He’s tight, unkind, lacks ambition, addicted to weed and very irresponsible.
We went abroad twice this year and both trips were a complete disaster. Our first trip he was tight and constantly complaining about the prices, and it repeated for our second trip but amplified when he locked me into our apartment for a couple of hours.
As soon as we arrived back home, I broke up with him but I foolishly allowed him to wiggle his way back by falling for his false promises. He said he would change but hasn’t, he said he would limit his weed consumption but hasn’t, he said he would be more romantic and initiate things but hasn’t!
So, overnight, I just “woke” up and realized I actually hate being with my boyfriend. I cringe when I’m around him and I no longer find him attractive physically. I feel I’ve been manipulated for too long and I already know my confidence and self esteem has hugely suffered, and other people are starting to notice.
I’ve decided to return his birthday gifts, the gifts I bought for his niece (that he expected me to pay for without him contributing), and end things. The safest way for me to do this is by text as I honestly can’t bear to see him again. Am I being petty by opting for text?
I know I’ll be upset for a while but I know I’m going to need even longer to recover and build myself back up again. How can I do this?
TDLR; Woke up and realized I hate my boyfriend. Not even dislike but actually hate.
6 comments
Can you elaborate on “when he locked you into the apartment for a couple of hours”?
> unkind, lacks ambition, addicted to weed and very irresponsible.
Just dump him, he is too old for you anyway. Dating an older guy who is irresponsible is a gigantic red flag. Responsibility and maturity is supposed to be one of the benefits of dating above your age group.
While in general I’m opposed to breaking up by text, if you feel like it’s the only way to stop yourself from falling for his bullshit again, go ahead and do it.
The fact that he “locked you in your apartment for a couple of hours” justifies you not wanting to spend time with him.
Since you live together, obviously, this is going to be tricky. My advice would be to have a friend come over and get all your stuff out while he’s not there, and then text him on your way out. Do you have a safe place to go? How hard will it be for you to get your stuff out of your shared space without crossing paths with him?
If he’d been a kind person with all of the rest of the listed flaws, I’d say it’s shitty to break up by text. It sounds like he’s a real jerkoff, though. I don’t think you owe him more than a text.
Send him a text and just leave it at that so he can’t worm his way or guilt his way back in. You’re doing the right thing.
Do what you feel is right. Follow your gut instincts. He is a grown man he will take care of himself
Move on.
There’s a reason he’s dating a 23 year old, love…it’s because women his own age won’t put up with his shit.