My BF (36M) of Eight Years and me (29F) he cheated on me and left me for someone else when confronted him he blamed me for everything and labelled me as a mad woman good for nothing and kept abusing me and called me names. He confessed that he is in that relationship for two years when he was with me also. I was calmly listening to his word as I wanted to see how far he can stoop Infact, he verbally attacked me saying my future relationship will also not survive as no one wants to be with a person like me. When I questioned him y he did stay for so long if he hated me so much he said it was just a physical thing for him but even in bed I was too bad. He did cause me a lot of emotional damage and he took the last control by saying I wont succeed in any future relationship. I want to heal from this toxic narassacist word .
TL:DR In what positive framework I should move on with my dignity intact and show this man his real place? It may sound cliché but I so want to break this man false ego and pride
TL:DR How should I move on with head held high ?
​
​
2 comments
Be happy that you took that trash out of your life.
Date yourself for a while and commit to a year alone to build yourself up so you don’t make the same mistake of accepting anything like that again.
A guy that much older doesn’t go looking for a 21-year-old because he wants to have a mature, balanced, healthy relationship of equals with her.
He does it for one or more of exactly three reasons:
1. He is so cataclysmically immature that no woman his own age will put up with his nonsense, so he has to go find someone far younger to have even the hope of appearing mature enough by comparison,
2. He wants someone he can attempt to dominate, or
3. He wants a play toy, so he looks for someone young and naive that he can use until he loses interest, and then he can move on to the next toy he fancies.
It looks like in your case, you’ve scored the very rare trifecta: he’s All Of The Above.
> It may sound cliché but I so want to break this man false ego and pride
Right now you are filled with rage, and may even hate him for what he did. And that’s understandable.
But. The opposite of “love” is not “hate”; love and hate are actually very closely related, because they mean that a person is *still important to you* (it’s just that in one direction that importance is positive, and in the other, it’s negative).
The opposite of love (*and* hate) is: complete and utter indifference. The person matters so little to you that you don’t even *think* about him; he doesn’t even exist in your universe.
That’s the treatment he deserves; anger and hate toward him serve no purpose other than to cause you to continue to waste energy on him after he *should* be gone from your life. It gives him the power to torment you *without even trying*, because you are doing it to yourself.
So. The path forward is to create a future for yourself where he doesn’t even *exist*. That’s his real place. That’s all he’s worth.