Me (25 M) found out my (29 F) is an escort service online . Basically a female pimp . I broke up but i really need advise how to deal with this situation ?

36 comments

1. I think the reason you’re posting this is because you’re looking for validation for your decision. Which frankly, no one can give to you anyways since only you know what’s good for you.

2. There is nothing wrong with what you did. She wasn’t honest upfront. If she had been you likely would have never dated her. She broke her own heart. Nothing you did wrong. Keep it moving. Block her.

3. ‘She runs the site and does not work as one’……THAT YOU KNOW OF .

4. Sounds like you did the right thing. Go no contact and move on.

5. Cmon she’s blatantly escorting herself too, you can’t be that naive

6. I highly doubt she only runs the business with no prior experience.

7. As others have said there’s no real question here. You dated someone who is not for you and kept a pretty big secret from you. It’s fine to break up with her.

8. This is one of those cases where it’s someone that didn’t tell you because they knew you wouldn’t date them in the first place if they did, and then continued to hide it just in case. Then once you’re attached enough and you find out a bit, tell you hoping you’re too attached now, that you’ll accept something that you normally wouldn’t. She took away your ability to make a choice on the situation from the beginning, and even now sounds like she’s still trying to manipulate you. Whether it’s something legal, illegal, big or small. She knew it would be a dealbreaker. There is no “you didn’t ask” “it’s not that bad” “I just run the site” “but I love you.” It was supposed to be your choice to accept those things and date her anyway, or leave at the start. So she’s lied and manipulated, two things that can be worse than the original thing a lot of people are hiding.

9. I’m letting you know this right now…life is going to give you signs to pay attention to, if you ignore them you’ll continue to deal with the same issues for as long as you stay in the situation. Be careful and make good choices. This is going to be very tough to leave especially because of the emotional attachment and if things get worse with more lying you’re not going to have a good time at all

10. Even if she does not work as a escort herself, being a “Madam” it’s already fucked up. I would not be friends with a person like that. You basically use other women on vulnerable situations that need money and you sell them like products, very shady and unmoral way of gaining money.

11. If you can’t handle or be with someone who has that kind of career and past then the answer is simple. Don’t be with someone with that kind of career and past. You are not wrong for this and she is not wrong for the lifestyle she leads. You are just incompatible. Let her go and move on so you can both find people more in line with what you are looking for.

    She is wrong for lying to you and not being up front. But that is her own guilt to face. Not yours.

12. Time to move on. Not worth your time to pursue this relationship.

13. Bud thats up to you…. if its a deal breaker make a clean break so to speak…. friends doesnt sound like a good option for u after the fact….. life is strange just gotta roll an move on or forward…. either choice aint easy…. but u needa think whats healthy for u long term…. You’re 25 you potentially have anorher 75 years ahead of u

14. I don’t get it. What’s the issue and what do you need advice on? You knew her for 4 months, why do you feel like you need to get dragged down into this.

    You cut ties and move on. Learn from this and pick your relationships better. You did well enough as it is to recognize her flags, call them out, and then cut anchor when it turned out to be worse than you expected.

    Seems like you did everything right. Keep moving forward.

15. You’ve also mentioned a big red flag – a drinking problem. She made need help and to join a program, most of which say you should not start a relationship whilst in recovery. She needs to get sober before she can start a new healthy relationship.

    I also understand why you may have broken up with her for being a ‘madam’. Whilst some women have had a choice and enjoy being sex workers others have been forced and abused into it and you would quite rightly not want to be involved with any person who has involvement in that.

16. Well I doubt she’s a madam tbh I’m sorry to say that but non the less if she is even if she loved you bro that’s nothing but darker and darker sky’s ahead and heart break

    Don’t feel bad I will not let my friends have my Reddit cuz I need private advice to sometimes lol

17. Honestly, it’s more of a deal breaker to me that she’s exploiting other women than if she’d been doing the work herself.

18. In this day and age, pimps and madams are rarely, if ever, needed anymore. Most escorts are able to post their services to online directories and there are third party services that vet the John’s, etc.

    It is infinitely more likely she made the transition from stripper to escort not stripper to madam.

    Hey, escorts need love too, however, so you may just need to decide if you are willing to put up with what you have now determined is a willingness and ability to lie to you about big things, and decide if this changes your opinion about a future with this person.

19. She’s pimping out young woman after developing substance abuse issue know her life is subpar, fleeting, and she’s f’ed. just block her and let her be someone else’s problem

20. Lots of madames know the business from the inside, i.e., started as escorts. She still might not be telling you the whole truth.

21. I had a friend who ran an escort website like that for many years. You know where that friend is right now? In jail under a $1.5 million bond for human trafficking. Escort services are legal, but using them as a front for sex work is not. Is your ex breaking the law? who knows, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to be involved with it. And you’re definitely not wrong for breaking up with someone who was dishonest with you.

22. Let’s be real here!

    Has anyone on this thread ever actually witnessed something good or promising out of a situation like this?
    Only in the porn industry, and that’s even subjective at best!
    Fold up your tent and sanity and move on 😏

23. How do you really know she doesn’t sell herself for sex as well. She didn’t tell you the truth about the escort service. How do you know she’s telling the truth about not providing services herself? It’s a question of trust, and personally, I wouldn’t believe anything she says. Let her go.

24. If it’s something you don’t approve there’s nothing wrong with what you did. It’s about your values and your beliefs. She will understand.

25. Question. What is it that offends you?

26. Your pride is hurt. There in a reddit thread to fix that.

    Tbh from someone in the adult entertainment buisness, sounds like a cop out excuse. I’ve never heard of anything like that. Ppl in the buisness aren’t really abt sharing %, and most girls wanna know who their meeting etc not have someone do half the work for them. Suspicious.

    Take it down as she’s a bad egg.

27. Did you ask her if you get discounts or 2 for 1?

28. She omitted a very big thing. Maybe she hasn’t cheated on you in person, but you say she is sexting guys too? Is it purely monetary for her or is it emotional as well? I don’t know shit about being a madam or online dating/escort services, but is it legal to do that, or is it something she could get into trouble and get arrested for?

    Look, to be fair and to give her the smallest benefit of the doubt, i know guys who are even OK with their gf’s having an OnlyFans, bc it’s just a way to make money, it’s actually very lucrative, and they’re very secure in their relationship bc she’s home every night…its purely a business; he equates it as no different than if she worked in an adult sex shop or was an exotic dancer…bc no one touches her, and she has no emotional entanglements with any of these ppl. It’s. Just. Money.

    But this is entirely personal decision, and only you can decide what is a dealbreaker and what isn’t …a more conservative- type guy isn’t gonna go for this, and that’s OK.
    It doesn’t mean you’re insecure in your masculinity, or that you aren’t trusting enough. It just means that this kind of lifestyle and livelihood isn’t what you want a partner that you plan on being with indefinitely (or long-term)…to be doing with their lives. And if, as you hint toward the end, this is something you’re embarrassed or ashamed of your friends and inner circle knowing about, and you can’t abide it, then this relationship– and girls such as her– are obviously not for you. You’ve already broken up with her, from the sound of it…if you have no intention of changing your mind, then if I were you, I’d just be glad that 4 months is all I’d put in to it. Four months is not exactly a short amount of time, but it isn’t terribly long, either. Best of luck, mate.

29. This is coming from someone who lives in a country where prostitution is legal.

    Imo the mistake isn’t being a madam, it is hiding it from you. I would want to know something like this before investing four months into something. It probably wouldn’t put me off her, but the lying would.

30. Horses for courses – as the saying goes. You were not comfortable with dating someone involved in the sex worker industry, and that’s ok. She knew and hid it, that’s not ok. My advice – please block her, unfollow and unfriend. You need to go no contact so she can move on.

    Her lifestyle, the drinking, her history and current occupation all make you incompatible as a couple. There are lot’s of things that make couples incompatible really: religion, thoughts on marriage, children, money and even politics,just to name a few. That’s what dating is about – discovering if two people want the same things or not. It is all about learning the values of the other person and seeing if they match up.

    As I said, you need, for both your sakes, to go no contact, no messages, no texts, no meetings, no sex. It needs to be a 100% cut off. If you keep engaging it drags it out. She believes she can change your mind. You feel guilty and sad. It’s distressing because it’s dragging.

31. Guaranteed she has been more active beyond sexting and setting up dates. She’s not being honest with you only means honesty isn’t her thing.

32. different values. it will never work. just block her and move on. it’s only been 4 months!

33. It’s an individual choice if you are open minded enough to not judge sex workers. Sounds like she’s just running a business providing a service and jobs for her employees. It’s not like she manufactures assault weapons….

34. Bro—if she’s in that life at all, there’s consequences that come along with it.

    I’m not passing any judgement, but it’s illegal… and the very fact that you KNOW about it means you’re kinda in on it too.

    I certainly wouldn’t want to be involved.

    Again — no judgement — and if I had the opportunity to make sex work legal, I definitely would do so.

35. She wasn’t honest upfront which is wrong on her. But for her career assuming all parties are consenting, there is nothing wrong with that unless you’re judging through a moral eye.

36. Four months in and this is what you know:
    – She has a current drinking problem. If her economic situation is unstable as well, there’s likely drugs involved too.

    – She used to work as a stripper. Morality aside, the job exposes women to the the worst elements of men and trains women to view them as resources to manipulate and extract money from.

    – She currently works as a pimp. To me one of the lowest forms of life, male or female. You have no idea if she’s trafficking young women or not. The fact she’s running this business is a strong indicator she’s either a prostitute herself and you’re getting trickle truth or is an ex-prostitute. She also hid this from you and is not her past, but the present.

    – You are categorically too embarrassed by her former AND current lifestyle to mention any of this to your friends.

    If you were or are a current sex worker who had a similar background, I’d say maybe, but I think you know this had disaster for a future written all over it. I would be fairly certain there is a whole bunch more you don’t know as well.