I (30 ) F am married to a ( 28 ) M, We have a beautiful 3 years old. I am a SAHM going to school full time ( Nurse Major ), I have talked to my husband for the past 3 years about hygiene.
He tells me : OK, Darling. I understand an will change.
I will give him the benefit of the doubt, he has gotten a lot better but not enough to the point his Ass stinks up the WHOLE HOUSE. He forgets to brush his teeth often and no Deodorant, it’s getting to the point I share a room with our 3 year old. I don’t even want to kiss him or have sex because he is just gross. It is unattractive to the tenth degree.
We have talked about it for years and ge gives me the same song an dance. Then in two weeks goes back to being a unhygienic slob, at this point I thinking hard about divorce. He is not holding up his end of the vows and I cook, clean, make his lunch every day + tend to our daughter 110%. I did my due diligence and held my breath on more than one occasion to sleep with him but I put a stop to it. I can’t even hold his hand because he blows his nose in his HAND!
I don’t know what else to do?! I don’t even know if I want to keep trying or just wait till I become a nurse and leave him. It’s so stressful….but I want to at least give it another go in before 2024.
What do you all suggest?
5 comments
We are all human and such basic manners are the least possible requirements to call a person civilized.
Does he has some mental or behavioural issues. Pls look into it as well.
Though, you are not wrong. No sane person can live with a person like your husband.
I don’t know how you deal with this – if he stinks that bad he’s not showering correctly or enough. It could be an issue like depression as this can be a really common symptom, but the fact that you’ve addressed this so many times should have spurred him into action if he cares about your relationship. Has he always been like this?
Make him do sticky notes to hang in the bathroom maybe infront of the toilet. So when he has to use the bathroom. He can be reminded deodorant and brush your teeth. You can also make him set up alarms that telling him to do these things. Also I would see about therapy first before divorce. For him of course, there has to be an underlining issue of why he’s not taking care of himself. It’s happened to me before but not in a relationship and the reason was out of depression.
This doesn’t sound normal at all. I second the calls for therapy, either individual for him or as a couple if he doesn’t want to go himself. This is just gross, and I agree with you that you should not have to hold your nose in order to have sex.
I have no idea of this applies, but I have heard of this being an issue for people who have a past history of sexual abuse. It’s like they are intentionally trying to make themselves less approachable and gross as a protection mechanism. This is also very common for depressed people. Finally, as ridiculous as it sounds, maybe he was never taught proper hygiene. Like, I know if my kid was left to her own devices, she would do all kinds of gross things and she would not have learned healthy habits on her own. It takes a lot of work to get kids to do the regular things like brushing teeth and whatnot. It sounds like he has had this problem his whole life since he family is saying this is how he always was, so maybe he didn’t have a parent who forced him to learn these habits as a child. Who knows, maybe he thinks of his father as a role model, and he doesn’t see that he was neglected in this area.
However, it also sounds like he CAN do it because he has done it for a couple of weeks at a time, which means he is capable and knows what to do, right? In that case, it seems downright disrespectful to me that he can’t make a minimal effort to respect you and the marriage. Does he not care about having sex?
I think you need to make this not optional at this point. Therapy one way or the other, and see if you together or he alone can figure out why he is like this!
Has he always been like this or is this a change in recent years?