My wife loves hiking. Going for walks and hiking up mountains are basically her reason for existing. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I hate how I get all sweaty. I hate having to deal with the weather. I hate having to travel to the hiking location. I can’t stand all of the bugs in the woods. Oh god how I fucking hate the bugs. I hate having to climb up all the unsure footing. All she ever says when we get to the top of wherever we’re going is “wasn’t this view worth it”, and no it absolutely wasn’t. There is no payoff. I get to see some trees or a river from higher up now? Why is that worth anything to me. If I could get the same view by driving 2 minutes down the road it still wouldn’t be worth it.
I’ve been very vocal about how much I dislike hiking, but she keeps finding ways to make me go anyway. This weekend we had a wedding to go to and she planned a hike with her mom after we checked out of the hotel so I have no choice but to go along because I have nowhere else to go. I’ve told her very consistently how much I dislike hiking and that she can go with he mom, her sisters, a local hiking group, or anyone that isn’t me, but she won’t accept that. How do I get it across that this is just not something I am willing to do.
I love my wife. We are compatible in so many ways. This is just the one area where she loves something that I cannot describe how much I hate it. How can I get the message across that this is something that I am not willing to do. Or am I just being an asshole and have to suck it up and go hiking.
28 comments
I am laughing so hard 😂 I feel your pain
Stop going.
Start doing something you like. Not everything must be shared in a marriage.
Nowhere else to go? How about nowhere? Order room service, watch some tv. Speak up for yourself. Try to find another hobby that you BOTH can enjoy. Tell her you’re done hiking, ffs. I get it – I also hate it, camping too. I did plenty of all that during my stint in the US Marines. **Marriott** for me, at the minimum, or I’m staying home lol
You do have a choice. Don’t go. She got the message. She wants to get her way. You are not depriving her. She can join a group. Stop making yourself miserable.
Don’t. Go.
Just….. Don’t.
Last time I went hiking I ended up on crutches all to see a contaminated waterfall in Hawaii so my hiking days are over. Screw that.
Find a comfy spot at the trailhead lay out a blanket and settle in with a book until they’re done.
I recommend sitting her down at a neutral time and tell her, “I love you with all my heart, but hiking makes me utterly miserable and I’m not willing to do it anymore/will only do it X times per year. I have no problem with you going on hiking trips without me, but I can no longer be your hiking partner.”
That said, I’ve gone hiking on US East coast and hated it for all the reasons you listed. I find the PNW much more bearable due to cooler weather and lack of bugs.
LOOOOLLL! Sorry had to laugh cuz this is so me! I can’t STAND hiking and share the exact detest! I cannot think of anything worse. I would literally rather be in jail than go on some wilderness hike.
Don’t complain about going just because you have nowhere to go. You’re an individual with their own free will. Just say you’re not interested and do something else. Good grief.
A spouse is not meant to be a magic bullet who will meet and fulfill every single one of your needs. You get the message across by saying “I don’t enjoy hiking, I’m happy that it’s something you enjoy but you need to find other people to go with from now on”. You both need to have independent hobbies and friendships. If you feel that’s something you can’t say or if your wife reacts badly to that, then you have bigger issues with communication that need to be solved. If you want to ease the blow a little bit maybe you can try out a new outdoor activity that you both enjoy together (I hate hiking too and my partner enjoys it, but we both like camping together)- or maybe offer to have a nice hearty meal ready for her when she gets back from a long hike as a treat or something.
🤣 So here’s what I think and take it like a grain of salt:
– Tell her exactly why you loathe hiking
– Come up with an excuse not to go > there is a cocktail on the hotel’s drink menu I have got to try
– Once in a blue moon, go with her on a hike (Why? Because I’m sure there are things she does for you that she loathes yet suffers through it)
I swear on everything I find sacred, I would rather get divorced than go on any fucking forced hikes on a regular basis, fuck that shit. Not saying you should but like, don’t go. Stop giving in to her hobby. Stop doing shit that you hate, it will only make you resent her and resentment is a relationship killer. And she needs to stop trying to force you, that’s an AH move, you have told her she hates it, why would she want you to do something you hate? Does she think you’ll eventually “come to your senses”? That’s just shitty of her. Anyway, just stop going.
Meh- I do not think you are doing anything wrong here. But if she loves hiking so much, why can she not do it without you ?
You know you don’t have to do everything together, nobody’s partner is exactly like them in terms of hobbies and likes and dislikes unless they’re codependent and/or full of shit
Well me (39 f) and my partner (41 m) are just like you. But he just doesn’t go anymore, and I’m fine with it. Don’t need to drag him somewhere he hates while I have plenty of friends who will apreciate it tons more. So I generally go hiking with a friend. Just make sure that you do other actvities with her, and initiate also sometimes.
You could just stop going. You do have a choice. Drop your wife and mom off at their hiking spot and find something else to do in the meantime.
My dad loves hiking, tried taking me and my sister when we were little. I HATE IT. If I were you I would just stop going with her. Don’t let her talk you into it.
The way you get your message across is by not going hiking. Organise something else to do during the hike. Drop them off, tell them enjoy the hike, and go read a book in a coffee shop until they call you for a pickup.
When your wife says “let’s go hiking”, just don’t put your shoes on. Don’t go. Tell her, ‘you know I don’t like hiking. You have fun, I’ll make other plans’.
Don’t go. Treat it as alone time.
As someone who LOVES hiking and has also been guilty of pressuring partners to like it as much as i do…. We would love it if you come along sometimes, on a milder walk perhaps? But we also should love it when you are yourself and if that means no hiking it should be respected. There are boundaries in what you can/will do for partners and you obviously crossed yours! It might be a little painful when you haven’t been good about keeping boundaries or it hasn’t come up like this in the past but in the end it’s better. Good luck!
I love hiking. But I hate hiking with people who don’t enjoy it. Just do something else.
Bring a book or some other activity you prefer and just do that. Post up in a coffee shop or something and tell her to come and find you when she’s done.
I have the same problem. We have come to a compromise. I drop her at the trail head, and she goes off for her days hike. We agree a collect point, and I pick her up at the end of the day. That gives the whole day to potter about and do my own stuff. She averages about two and half miles per hour, so with a bit of google maps I know what time to be there.
Of course you have a choice. You just put your foot down and say you’re not going.
I can’t even imagine trying to ‘force’ my husband to do one of my hobbies, and we’ve been married 46 years in a couple of weeks. In fact, if I knew he hated something so much, I wouldn’t even ask him.
As someone else said, not every hobby has to be shared in a marriage, in fact having our own hobbies is probably why our marriage has lasted so long.
This weekend for instance, even tho you’d checked out of the hotel, couldn’t you have sat in the bar/lobby with a good book? Or even kept the room on longer, or gone sightseeing? There must have been something you could do.
You’re the author of your own misfortune because you’ve always gone along with what your wife wants.
This is how you get it across- “ok have a great time, stay safe, send pictures/ring me!” Then do your own thing.
I love hiking. My husband is unable to hike distances now, but even before he didn’t love it. So I go solo most of the time, which I love, or once in awhile bring a friend or my son. I would never insist my husband do something physical that he hated, even if he was capable of doing so.
Your wife should not be forcing you to do an activity she knows you don’t enjoy all the time. I do believe that partners should sometimes do things the other one likes (both going to the ballet when only one likes it, both going to a game when only one is into it), but those should be occasional, and pre-planned.
You are NTA, and you just have to stop going. It was selfish for her to plan a hike that would have left you stranded if you didn’t go. In the future, just tell her you are not going. You tell her what you told us- that you despise everything about it, you don’t appreciate the views, and that you do not enjoy her company while hiking. Be blunt and stand up for yourself.
Just don’t go anymore. You’re an adult. She can’t force you if you don’t want too. Find something else to do whilst she goes with her mum. Read a book in the car.
Just don’t go? She’s not moving your legs for you. If you actively dislike it then just actively not go. You can literally choose just to go nowhere, you know that, right?? If you’re choosing to go and complain because you can’t be bothered to do nothing or make other plans on your own, that’s your fault entirely.