f (21) m (21), live almost two hours away
i met this man on tinder around september 2nd, we started talking and throughout talking i found that it was really insane the amount of interests we shared, i’m hyper aware to love bombing because i’ve been in a dv situation before. i looked past it and i was like maybe he’s just my soulmate, yk being delusional lol.
he wanted to meet immediately before this trip he was going on but i said we should wait. as soon as he got back he made a date (sept 17). at the date he brought flowers, seashells, and cool crystals, and immediately showered me in compliments. he kept telling me he was in heaven and asking me if i felt the same. he also invited me to a halloween party w his cousins october 29. he said about doing a seasonal job with him across the country as well but followed it up with “whenever you’re ready” also called me his perfect female counterpart. on the date he would not stop making out with me, everytime id try to stop he would grab my face to do it again. i honestly got annoyed.
second date (sept 24), once again, wanting to make out w me the whole time, asking me to make out w him like i mean it? saying he wishes he could just be w me forever and merge bodies w me lol. he also dropped an i love you during sex!! then proceeded to ask me to say it to him and i really thought i heard him incorrectly, then afterwards when i was hoping it was just an in the moment thing, he asks me if i love him, i ignore it, and he asked AGAIN. i said i don’t feel comfortable using that word with him yet and he said “that’s okay we don’t have to”. we only knew eachother for like 20 days???? i’ve just been mentally abused to the point i never know if i’m seeing reality correctly so if you guys could tell me your outer perspective id appreciate it. it’s throwing me off because he’s genuinely an amazing guy, great morals, good human, raised by grandparents so amazing manners. idk. he doesn’t like bug me to text him back but he does double text sometimes if i don’t answer fast.
3 comments
There are people in life who are like golden retreivers and there are people who are like black cats. He’s a golden retriever—overly affectionate, quick to fall in love, wanting to be with his person all the time, very open with feelings and expressing them. You’re a black cat, slow to warm up, cautious, wary, wanting a little space and not wanting to move until you want to do so.
There’s nothing wrong with either personality type. They can even make a good couple—eventually. But they’re off with their timing early in the relationship.
It’s POSSIBLE this guy is a lovebombing psychopath but it’s also possible he’s just an excited golden retriever who’s sincerely thrilled he found you.
Be direct with him about needing to slow things down and see if he respects that. If he does (and he seems to be taking your feelings into account) then proceed with seeing how things go.
If, however, he doesn’t respect your feelings, tries to pressure you, or is aggressive in any way, then cut things off immediately (meaning tell him it’s not working, ghosting someone can actually bring out very bad behavior).
i also want to add he told me he loved me atleast 5 times.
All these labels do not good for people. This whole idea of love bombing is silly and simple to avoid, if it doesn’t feel sincere, it probably isn’t.
If this guy is doing things that give you an immediate ick, stop seeing him. If you aren’t sure, date and see him until you are sure, then make the call.
-Dave