Anyone know if the other person gets warm, fuzzies if you’re feeling them?
Context is my boss, who seemed nice but indifferent for the first ~year or so I’ve been with the company suddenly seems much nicer/interested in building a relationship with me, and I’m super confused.
Definitely making more time to chat and more smiley. That makes sense – we did yearly evals, and he’s said he feels like he has areas for improvement as a supervisor for our whole team.
What I’m confused about is whether there’s anything else going on. About 4 months ago, I typically felt like I was bothering him when I went to talk to him or he was too busy. Our 1-on-1 meetings were canceled maybe 1/3-1/2 the time, etc. Now, we have great conversations and it’s not unusual for him to think of two to four more things to tell me, work or social, to prolong the conversation as I’m leaving. Not in an annoying way, but in a this-is-a-fun convo way, just have to cut it off since we’re at work.
We’ve developed a fun, playful rapport, and I enjoy spending time with him. I know he’s my boss, though, so I’m not trying to be anything but friends. Anyway, back to my question – when we have 1-on-1 meetings now, I definitely get a warm, fuzzy, golden feeling, and I’m grateful to feel so at peace interacting with my supervisor. My concern is that I’m making more of this than there actually is, though. I know this is one-sided, so hard to judge, but does anyone have experience with the warm fuzzies enough to know how to tell if they’re mutual?
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It’s always good to have friendly rapport with people at work, but I want to warn you, the same warning I received from a few people when I was a bit younger and didn’t heed. The problem with becoming friends with supervisors is eventually you will screw up, everyone screws up it’s not a big deal, but when your boss has to reprimand you, it can feel very upsetting. A lot of supervisors will draw you in with friendly conversation to get to know you, but use it against you later, when they have reason to do so. This happened with a couple of my bosses from different places before I realized I had to put up my social and emotional mental wall and not give personal details. One supervisor turned me in for joking around with her after months of joking around with her and she usually initiated the silly banter. Another boss tried to get me to tell her about my husband, and then declared that I was depressed and needed to leave him, mind you, my husband, and I have never had any serious problems and get along perfectly. But when I started to distance myself from her for saying that stuff, she started writing me up for everything, upset that I was avoiding her. Another boss acted friendly to my face every single day, including the last day she handed me a paycheck, and when I opened it, it was a letter firing me. I don’t think she expected me to open it right then and there so she was all awkward about it. Basically don’t befriend supervisors, but be friendly and superficial at all times. Tell them you had a great weekend you had a little barbecue, or that you really enjoy swimming in your free time, tell them little things, but never reveal your true self, because they will use it against you. Besides that, I would say if your bosses personality is happy, usually or sad usually and then changes abruptly it has nothing to do with you. They probably are dealing with their own issues at home and its leaking into how they socialize at work. But you’re handling the situation well so far and sounds like you’re fluctuating with the vibe. Be careful friend