I (24m) and my partner (24F) have been together nearly 3 years. It was an immediate family members wedding recently and a whole bunch of family have come from overseas and everything for the event. After the event and everyone left, my immediate family told me about my partners behaviour over the past few weeks and was very shocked and hurt. One of the main points was that my family noticed how she had wild mood swings at me especially when she was drunk and also when she is drunk she is really annoying and pestering everyone, there is a lot to mention in this point but I’m more concerned about the other point.
The other point that really got me upset and questioning everything about our relationship is that she said she was flirting with my immediate family’s BIL one night when we where out on the town with family and friends, he told my immediate family member that she is making him very uncomfortable and keeps blowing him kisses and trying to hold his hand and all that stuff and also tried to do similar stuff with my cousin. Nothing eventuated from her flirting, but made me think what if the person she did that too wasn’t as “respectful”
I know I have to talk about this with her eventually but I only found out last night and I have a lot of uni work to do because of exams and I don’t know if I should wait until after my exams to tell her about this because that could cause a lot more stress. What would be the best course of action my fellow redditors?
TLDR: My immediate family member told me about my partners behaviour of recent events and some situations, they are annoyed at her for being disrespectful to me, I don’t know how to process this properly.
6 comments
I think it might be best to put yourself first and focus on what you need and talk about it later when you have the time and mental capacity to talk about it because it could end badly
If you can push it aside in your head, then do so until after your exams. But if it is stopping you from focusing on your exams, you need to have the conversation. It may be that she’s just a flirt when she’s drunk and just needs to be made aware of how it upsets you and your family to change her behaviour, or it may be that she’s not ready for a relationship. Good luck, and whatever happens prioritise your exams and your future.
Focus on yourself first. Compartmentalize and do whatever you need to do to get through the exams. Once everything that matters is done, then turn your attention towards her. It’s up to you to decide if the relationship can be fixed. Her judgement seems really off and that would be a giant problem for me. My partner represents me and my judgement, so I have to be able to trust everything they do and feel comfortable knowing they will behave like an adult. You weren’t at a kegger, you were at family functions and she behaved so poorly that your relatives told you? Yah, that would be it for me. I guess you have to draw your own line.
I’d be a little concerned that she has a drinking problem. Weddings and family events tend to be times when you want to be your best and not embarrass your partner.
All of this sounds like she has some kind of substance abuse problem. Even the blowing kisses part.
I, personally, would focus on exams before having the serious talk with her. I think that if you try and discuss it with her before your exams and it doesn’t end well, you will be even more distracted than if you were to wait. What you can do is decide how to deliver your words before your exams, but don’t actually take action until afterwards.
Thanks everyone for commenting. I think I’m just going to try and put it to the side for now and focus on my exams and bring it up after they’re all done and address the issue then.