Curious as to how often couples have sex when they’ve been together 4+ years? My boyfriend & I have been together 4 and 1/2 years and we easily go over a month or more without sex or really any intimacy. I find it abnormal and have discussed it with him more than once and nothing has changed, so really I’m just curious if it’s common once your in a relationship long term? Before someone says cheating, I know that’s not the case lol

24 comments
  1. My wife and I had sex almost every day for over a decade. Then we had a kid. There was about a 4 month lull due to her discomfort and complications post partum. But we’re getting back to 2-3 times a week.

    It’s the kids that really get in the way 😅

  2. Been together 18 years. 54 and 48 years old. In the summer ( she’s a teacher) it’s almost everyday. During the school year once a week lol. Teaching is tough work so l understand.

  3. 14 years, together since late teens and now married with a couple kids. We used to go every day multiple times a day. It’s different now with kids. Realistically 4 times a week. If we’re really lucky we get to do it more than once a day sometimes. In the morning before work/kids wake up and after kids have gone to bed are usually when we have to make time for it.

    Both of us still have so much desire for each other after all these years and both have high sex drives so if we could do it more then we would, but life gets in the way sometimes. We just send little dirty pics and messages to one another throughout the day and then by evening we’re both really in the mood for one another. And when we can’t get to it, it’s disappointing but the desire is very much there and we both know it.

  4. 2/3 times a week. I want more but with 2 kids now I understand the exhaustion and mentally wanting to shut it down. We’re also married a decade and in our 30s

    So I spank on some other days and just make sure I keep romance alive. She’s down any time I ask but I also know which nights not to try so I don’t turn it into a chore for her

  5. It ebbs and flows with life stages but usually once or twice a week at least, but sometimes we have had sex every day, sometimes more than once…

  6. After being together over 10 years and being married for two, my wife and I have sex about once a week. Sometimes a little more, sometimes less.

    When we were younger and had less responsibility, maybe 2-4 times a week, depending on how often we saw each other.

  7. There is no “normal” in sex.

    My ex husband only had sex when I initiated, and when I stopped initiating 7 months went by and he didn’t even notice.

    Now I won’t date someone that doesn’t match my sex drive.

  8. About once every 3 weeks- I’d prefer 3-5 times per week – I’m not happy and don’t know how much longer I can last in this relationship

  9. Mid 40s, married 10 years, 3 kids aged 9 and 10.

    A little more than a year ago, we were in a years-long near dead bedroom, only having sex about once every 4-6 weeks. We talked about it many times and finally decided to make a serious effort at fixing it.

    It worked lol

    Now it’s 2-3x over a normal weekend, with a weekday lunch quickie happening once in a while also. The overall average is probably just a little shy of 3x/week. Some weeks we can hit 4 or 5, sometimes just 1, but 3 is probably the most common number. And it is 100% the best sex either of us has had in our lives.

  10. I think what is really more important here is “can you and your partner communicate well on this topic”. If so then you have a path to getting to a good place even when things (for whatever reason) go bad for a while. As others noted, having kids can often affect the sexual dynamic. Without communication this can lead to things like confusion (fear), resentment and hurt feelings. With communication it can lead to closeness, empathy and understanding.

    If things feel “off” gently talk to your partner. If that is not possible then maybe talk to them about geting a therapist to come in and help. Believe me this is way better than not talking about things…

  11. 11/12 years and we have sex 2-4x a week. We fool around a good bit though. He’s 42 and I’m 32. We have a 5yo who always senses when we’re Horny and she wakes up 90% of the time lol

    We’re having a bit of a dry spell atm due to house bullshit

  12. Together for 21 years, married for 17, we have three childs.
    We have sex at least once per day, exceptions made when one of us is ill.
    When shes on the peridod, shes blows me almost every day.
    We are very lucky, very compatible

  13. This is a horny group of people, so you’re not gonna get a representative answer. I dated someone for 7 years and after a couple years, it was down to once a month or so. I am 27 and can say that was definitely too infrequent for me (and for her, but passion was an issue). My therapist also was surprised at the infrequency

    That said, people saying they have sex near every day? I would definitely do that if I had no job or activities, but I just can’t do that every day – got too much going on and too much on my mind. I’d prefer maybe 2-3 times a week if I’m being realistic. On vacation or post-work world? Maybe every day or so.

    I think I’m probably the median, if you’re asking for representative people.

  14. Wife and I are in our upper 50s, been together for 20 years. Still go at it 4-5 times a week. And still very much in love!

  15. Almost ten years together, no children. We usually do it every other day although sometimes we do it a couple days in a row and other weeks we go at it every three days. My ideal would probably be every day to two times a day.

  16. As much as he’ll let me 😂

    Can’t keep my hands off the man

    I feel like I’m annoying all the time because I’m always horny around him 😮‍💨

  17. We tear each other to shreds 2-3 times a week. Daily if we are on vacation or spending time in a hotel. We’ve been married 6 years, together almost 10.

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