What are your deadlines for a relationship and marriage etc.

26 comments

1. The idea of having a “deadline” for a relationship or marriage sounds monumentally stupid.

2. Deadlines? None. That’s ridiculous

3. > Im watching these videos that come up from time to time about marriage and stuff, and they keep talking about these deadlines for proposing and the wedding and what not.

   Yeah, women talk about that stuff all the time and it’s one of the reasons I dislike dating women. If you’re together for a certain amount of time, they start pressuring to get married. When I was 21 I had a 19 year old girlfriend for a few years and she was talking about getting married. And I was thinking of breaking up. The relationship was not that good but in her mind it was just time no matter what the relationship was like.

   > I explained to myself, im 21 and ill be in college and studying for the next 6 years minimum, if i found “the one” tonight i literally wouldnt have the finances or a good job to propose within the next 6 god damn years.

   Totally reasonable. Any person you’re dating should understand this.

   > I would t be wasting anyones time by realistically speaking not being financially ready for that step, no matter how amazing she is, i literally wont have the money or the recourses needed to start any family whatsoever.

   It’s up to them to decide if you’re wasting their time. Don’t make that decision for them. I think a woman would be missing out on a good thing though if she left you simply because you weren’t rushing into marriage.

   > So just being a couple and dating seriously should be enough?

   Yes. If it’s not, you’re not going to be happy married either.

   > Being generous that would mean i wouldn’t be ready for kids by 35, minimum.

   A reasonable time for a man to start having kids. Your wife would probably be a bit younger. Maybe 30.

4. Putting deadlines on that sort of that is not at all smart. Life takes twists and turns all the time. It would also be demoralizing as hell once you reach a “deadline” and don’t end up doing what you said you were going to do.

   Don’t focus on deadlines and whatnot. Focus on your education and money.

5. Imposing deadlines on these things is ridiculous and unrealistic

6. Focus on your career, family and friends. I wouldn’t look into settling down until I was 30 or older.

7. I been in the same boat. I’m in my late 20’s. I think you’ll never find a answer for this. Because people who are older are going to give you advice. Who have this plan that isn’t really lined up with you. It’s really always a guessing game.

   I think it’s always been interesting to always re look at your plan every year and compare it to prior year. When I was your age. I was doing travel work making most then anybody I knew my age group.

   I worked on water towers, communications towers, then I went to traveling millwright. I think out of my whole class. We was discussing at the local bar. Most of them had family’s and what not by 23-25 and jobs and homes.

   Here I was with no family. I’d be gone on the road 3-5 weeks at a time and come back for a week or 2. No family had a home. I was making $30k a year more then the second highest paid person in our class. All of them said I was living the bachelor life style.

   So all of us our in our own situation and there’s no good real answer. While I traveled I realize maybe I want a family. So I stop traveling for work. Finding things local till I got a job where I could make about same at the guy who was the second highest pay in our class.

   So me and him are tied. He has a family I don’t. But I dumped so much into retirement and investments I’m way ahead of our class.. like when we talked about it people realized I was a heavy hitter in the finical realm.

   Like if I don’t have kids I could possible retire in next 20 years. So before I even hit 50.

   If I have kids, you know I got to take into consideration well got to buy them a car, help with college, if have a wife I got to add on to her and food, insurance ect, ect….

   I don’t think you’ll have a clear answer till you realize where you are finically, and what’s your plans for this world..

   Like it’s so damn complicated because we all have things we wanna do before we die. Things we want to live out and do. Today we live in a world where everybody wants to bring up how bias the world is.

   But the one thing that isn’t bias is death. You have to figure out, what you want to do in this world. Then you have to figure out your finical plans to achieve said goal with keeping in mind that you might be hit by a car or someone might mug you and shoot you in the back of the head tomorrow.

   Hell you might live to be 100… who knows. The only thing I would consider if thinking about kids add 19 years plus another 4-5. Because he/she is still gonna need your help to navigate life…

   Hopefully you can do a good job. Hopefully they find friends that help them lead the way to what they need to know and want to do in life.

   It’s a tricky stair case man. Best of luck to you and anybody else who looks for the same answer.

   EDIT: I forgot this till I remembered something my dad said, which I thought was funny.

   If you have kids unplanned you’ll never have the money for them. If you wait till your finically ready, it will be too late to have them, because you’ll be 60+ years before they move out.

8. Timelines and deadlines are ridiculous. EVERYONE’s path through life is different. Having deadlines is a good way to create resentment.

9. you don’t need money to find love or get married. If you met the perfect woman for you tomorrow, then you’d both be going to the courthouse to get married, and work on your careers until you’re both financially stable enough to start having children, and you both would love all of it.

   if you think marriage means a huge financial burden where you have to pay for her and she’d want to have children ASAP, then did you really find “the one”? Sounds like you have a skewed view of marriage.

10. Marriage Deadline 35

    Kids Deadline 30

    What I am saying is that if it hadn’t happened by these ages, it wasn’t going to happen ever. Well I’m 41 now and both deadlines have passed and I failed to meet both of them. So its never going to happen.

11. I used to think this, and at some level still do.

    Had a plan, married before 30, kids early 30s etc.

    Well, married the wrong person before 30, and here I am, divorcing. So much for the plan eh.

    I see my friends and peers live happy lives, have kids and I am alone and set back 4-5 years.

    Only get married if you are 100% ready internally. Not because you have a deadline. As someone said, getting married has less paperwork than leasing a car, but the divorce is a whole different story.

12. Scheduling your life like that sounds like a miserable way to live. Sounds like the kind of person who’d make statistics about who does chores with a higher frequency or have a 5 page long birthplan

13. Not getting married. It’s a waste of time and money

14. If you wait to date until you are “ready” you may find yourself constantly moving the goalposts to decide what “ready” means.

    Financially secure. Have a good job. Own my own home. Student loans paid off. Healthy 401K balance. You can always find another goal to set.

    As the line from Shawshank Redemption says, “It comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.”

    Start living. Date. Socialize. Maybe get in a relationship. Maybe not. Maybe you meet THE ONE. Maybe not. But if you wait you are only depriving yourself of living.

15. There are no deadlines.
    It’s okey to have casual things meanwhile, if you are transparent. It’s okey to be in a serious relationship. And it’s definitely okey to be single, build and enjoy your life.

16. I think you find a partner and discuss/establish a deadline that works for both parties

17. I mean we both know we love each other and want to marry eventually I don’t see the problem plus there’s nothing wrong with a cheap courthouse wedding

18. Deadline?! Damn that “working on relationships” BS has broken the rock bottom.

19. I know that reddit heavily skews american and maybe there’s a cultural difference, but I never saw marriage as a necessity for a life long relationship. I know plenty of people who are in it for the long run with no plans of getting married. I am married myself (after 6 years) but thatvwas mostly for practical reasons. It didn’t meaningfully alter our relationship.

20. “Not financially ready” is such a weird concept both for marriage and parenthood

    You get significant tax breaks by being married, having kids, and being a homeowner

    But to your question, no deadlines (maximum) times for anything. But I do have minimums. No getting intimate until X dates, no moving in until Y months, live together at least Z years before proposing, etc.

    Tbh I think too many people out there rush into it too hard. Maybe it’s my upbringing because my parents were together 5 years before getting married

21. It is stupid to see a deadline. Just let things happen when they happen.

22. Don’t need a relationship. Don’t want a marriage. And I hate kids

23. Any person that goes by “deadlines” for real life stuff like relationships, marriage, kids, etc is not someone I would want to be with. Stuff like that happens organically as the love for each other progresses and shouldn’t be treated as a powerpoint presentation.

24. If a woman has deadlines for proposing, that’s a red flag.

    If a *man* has deadlines for proposing, that’s a potential sign that he’s a serial killer.

    Also, spoiler warning, but people get married in grad school all the time. They just don’t waste buckets of money on stupid fairytale wedding malarkey.

25. Life can change at any moment and whatever preconceived ‘deadlines’ you think of can think won’t matter. That hurts you and others around you by tapping your watch in their faces just because you’ve laid out expectations.

    Truthfully, that’s very entitled and self-centered, honestly. Why would you have that brick wall set up to fall on a potential partner, she’ll tell you to fuck off and leave you for someone who won’t force her to make choices on their terms.

    You are only 21. You may not meet the right person til you’re 36. You won’t even be fully matured until 6 years from now as it is.

    ‘Deadlines’ only exist because a cookie-cutter society told you so, but the reality is that none of that is realistic when everyone moves through life at different paces with different opportunities from all kinds of circumstances.

26. I refuse to sign a piece of paper saying we’re married, nor will I have kids so, N/A