I am a 38 year old man. I am straight. I am good looking. I have had many sexual female partners. Yet all of them when I have tried having anal sex with them have said no and that it hurts too much for them. I am not even that big, maybe a little more on the thicker side. I am now married with a kid and my wife adamantly refuses to do it. I don’t know what to do about this and I really don’t want to go the prostitution route. What do I do?
14 comments
Talk to your wife frankly, tell her this is something important for you, if she still says no then you have to decide whether it’s more important to you to than your relationship. If it is, it’s time to end the relationship. If it isn’t, you need to let this go.
is it something you can live without?
hey who knows, when y’all are old and bored she may be open to it! but obv is important to respect her boundaries but also not cheat. if you’re considering opening the relationship to try this then you NEED to talk to her. i would offer for insight but i haven’t done it myself (that is an exit only zone imo)😅
You don’t do anything about it. Respect your wife’s decision and stop asking her about it. Sometimes in life, we just have to accept that there are some things we’ll never get to experience.
On a side note, personally, I think anal is overrated. It’s fun, sure. But the prep required makes it more of chore than just outright fun. It’s not worth leaving a good marriage to experience.
Have you researched how to do anal properly? Your lack of success is because you don’t have the technique correct or know what you are doing? Absolutely you wife has a right to refuse even if you do know what you are doing but if you are thinking of sex workers please see a sex therapist or couples therapist first
I dated a guy that really wanted to do anal with me. At the time, I had never done it and I had zero interest in trying it. He even went so far as to buy me butt plugs without me consenting to this. I asked him if he was open to trying anal himself and using one of his butt plugs. He was so appalled by the notion and said he’d never want something up his ass. I told him I felt exactly how he did, so please stop pressuring me.
I understand it’s a desire of yours, but is it really worth jeopardizing your marriage? You’ve never tried it and for all you know you may be underwhelmed. Even if your wife consented to it, she may also hate it. Porn glamorizes it so much!
FWIW I eventually tried it with a guy that was really into anal, receiving and giving. He loved to be pegged! I felt safe with him and he definitely had a lot of tips on how to make it more enjoyable. It’s still not my favorite thing though.
You live without it. Is it that important to you?
With a previous girlfriend, we had anal sex a couple of times within the first month of dating. Unfortunately, she was apparently too drunk to remember either time.
It took me another 7 years to convince her to try it again while sober. She was always sure that it would hurt. Finally, one evening, she gave it a try.
I went slow, talking to her the entire time. I eventually said that I was in all the way, and she said, “Really?” I then slowly started moving while still keeping full communications. After only a minute or so, she had a very long and strong orgasm. We had anal often of that.
Currentl girlfriend, I just said anal was something that I was interested in. One night, she asked what I wanted to do. I sad “anal.” Again, slow with constant communications. It was felt weird the first couple of times, but she had no objections. We’ve done it four times so far, and she’s okay with it any time I want.
My advice is to occasionally mention that you’re still interested in trying anal sex but don’t be a jerk about it. No, it is still no. You have a desire to try it with her, and that’s it. Maybe someday she let you try and maybe not. If she does, there is lots of lube and go slow. You may only have one shot to make a good impression. Don’t expect it to last very long. Maybe the first time, you just get in, and you pull out. Try again some other time. The main thing is not to make it sound like you’re somehow entitled to something.
You stop thinking about buttholes. Come on man
You either keep talking to your wife and respect her wishes with letting her know how much it means to you… or you deal with never having anal because cheating on her and fracturing your family over needing to put your penis in a butthole isn’t worth it.
My wife can’t deepthroat me but I’m not going to divorce her because of it. But different if your relationship sucks.
Since your in a long term relationship you can take your time and see what happens but no means no.
Now. If you happened to be say giving her a long relaxing massage that may very slowly work it’s way down to her buttocks and if maybe after she’s very relaxed and you’ve got her a bit hot and bothered perhaps if the pad of your thumb just happened to brush lightly across her anus. You could see what kind of response there is. If she rejects it. Quietly apologize and proceed to her legs feet pussy etc. don’t push it. She already knows your after it so she may be defensive.
If it’s a positive response you could maybe lightly brush it or lightly rub her bud. Then don’t go any further.
Someday you could try again. There is no rush. She needs to know that you’re not going to pressure her into something she doesn’t want to do.
Another thing. Our other Reddit was right have you considered this for yourself? If you think no way then stay away from hers. Why would you pressure her to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.
Anal is something that takes a lot of patience. It is always in very small increments. You should use lube whenever you touch it. Massage oil if you’re doing that. Nobody likes their dry anus touched. Do not attempt to stick your dick in there until she’s relaxed and consented. But that would be after many times with touching. Erotic. Licking. Amazing. Fingers. Very gentle. Plugs. Never exceeding 1/4” increments. Then maybe someday if you haven’t badgered her to death and she finally trusts you enough and likes it. Then and only then, would you attempt anal with lots of lube and consent.
She doesn’t want it, you have to accept it. The fact that you even mentioned going to a sex worker about this makes me question whether you really give a shit how your wife feels about it and that concerns me.
Anal can be great if it’s done safely with patience and your partner needs to be 100% comfortable.You do not just try to stick your dick in.
If it’s not gonna happen. You can lament your lack of anal and I can lament my deepthroat but I can tell you that my non deepthroating wife is also my gorgeous goddess gifted dildo size Queen and I wouldn’t trade her for anything. good relationships are hard to find. So are really good lovers.
Chill. Respect her.
You poor thing /s
Buy a flesh light and put a little nuggie of poop in it for extra realism. Can’t believe you’re considering cheating on your wife for something so extraordinarily underwhelming.
You sound addicted to porn. You have a family to take care of. This is not a necessity, get a grip and touch some grass
I didn’t have anal sex until I was about your age. I never wanted or even thought about it. One night with my wife it just happened. Then we’d do it occasionally. With my current GF she never had anal sex, she’s 59. I told her I wanted to be her first and she was all in. We worked up to it and I took her ass. It was very intimate. It’s not something I’d do with just anyone.