for starters let me be clear: im never anxious during sex, im not “stuck in my head”, via clit stim i can achieve orgasm quickly and easily, ive always been able to do this, the idea of intimacy really means nothing to me, i have a really high libido, i always use plenty of lube and only masturbate when im very aroused/wet/relaxed, im not on anti depressants.
ive tried absolutely everything, fingers, the come hither motion, different angles and positions, dildos of different shapes and sizes, g spot toys, toys that stimulate the clit and g spot at the same time, orgasming first and then attempting vaginal stimulation (this actually makes me feel worse and lose interest in sex), vibrators, a vibe on the clit during vaginal penetration. the list goes on. ive been trying for nearly 6 months frequently. the idea of sex and vaginal penetration turns me on, and the hopes that ill finally feel pleasure helps me get excited before i have sex or masturbate but nonetheless every single time i feel *no pleasure.*
i dont seem to possess a g spot or any “sweet spot” of any kind, no part of my vagina has erotic sensation at all. im not just talking about an inability to reach orgasm which is common for women, i mean i cant feel *any* pleasure. all of the things ive listed above do not change this lack of sensation. it feels the same as rubbing the inside of my cheek, i can feel something there but no pleasure at all.
whenever people talk about this people usually say you’re normal, but frankly i never see women say they get absolutely **nothing** out of penetration unless its a different problem entirely (shame, internalized misogyny, terrible husband/partner, low libido etc). i dont think its normal to be incapable of receiving any sexual pleasure from your genitals, or lack any sort of nerve endings in my vagina or lack any sort of g spot. im sexually frustrated and at my wits end, clit orgasms are okay but pretty unsatisfying. i guess im just doomed to be like this forever?
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You might try: Scream cream (OMG on Wisp), Co2LiftV, Oxytocin (via both nasal spray and gel), Wellbutrin, Vyleesi. Each has a group of people (of both genders) who swear by them. Each also does nothing for many.
Are you on any medication? Birth control, antidepressants, or anything else? Check the side effects.
If you know clit stim gives you orgasms and vaginally stimulation doesn’t, quit trying to reinvent the wheel. Stop making yourself crazy by trying to force your body to be a way that it isn’t.
If you want better orgasms, but intimacy means nothing to you – work on that. That’s possibly one mental issue that could be affecting your pleasure.
Since you can orgasm from clit stimulation, use edging and teasing techniques there to see if you can “build up” pleasure to a more intense level.
You’ve been told by people, science, and now internet strangers that vaginally stimulation doesn’t get most women off. Why is that such a negative thing to you? – that’s another mental issue you could address. Not liking the the way you get pleasure can’t be helping you get more.
Your whole post has a very negative perspective to it.
I’m in the same boat as you if thats any consolidation 💀 even clit stim orgasms are short lasting for me
Vaginal penetration is but one type you have mentioned. Perhaps you might consider trying others:
I had a lover who didn’t seem to enjoy PIV until after she discovered she got off from deepthroating me. That quite literally opened her to orgasms that she claimed she could never achieve prior. G-spot, A-spot…all of the places.
I don’t own a vagina, sorry, can’t help. 😮
Omg I felt like I could have written this post!!
Check out Kim Anami’s podcast/YouTube. She believes all women are capable of both g spot and cervical orgasms, and has some techniques and advice that worked for us.
It’s a divisive message, though; many will say how you should just accept the inability to do those things as “normal”. I applaud you for pursuing more, vs accepting less. Good luck with your journey 🙏
There is natural variation in things – some people can run faster, some can jump higher, some have long necks; there is no reason to believe that the nerve layout of vaginas should all be the same…
But if you look at the usual diagrams of nerve layout they look a bit like a wishbone shape, with the clitoris being the bit of the wishbone where the arms join. The G-spot is the interior part of the clitoris, but of course if you have a very small clitoris, you may not have much to stimulate from the inside.
Then there’s the arms of the wishbone, they go around the vagina, ending up on either side, next to the anus. This is possibly why some women are able to orgasm from anal sex.
Given your lack of erotic direct sensation from your vagina, my guess is that your nerve layout is different. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are doomed to only orgasm from clit stimulation because orgasm happens in the brain, with help from the genitals: some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation, some orgasm from core exercises, some can orgasm from tensing their legs, some need the excitement of BDSM or the control of or by their partner, some can orgasm from external stimulation of the lips or just the first fraction of the vulva. And I’m sure there’s more.
So – I suggest more experimentation to see if any of these other stimulations work for you.
Do you find that your ability to feel pleasure in other aspects of your life has changed? If so, read up on anhedonia.
I felt like you until my thirties, and I’m still figuring shit out at 41 🙂 My cousin, who is in her 50s, has always said that she can’t feel anything pleasurable penetration wise, no matter what. I’ve had friends who have said the same. You’re not alone in this.
I do have one question, feel free to answer or not. At the entrance of your vagina, if you tease it in any way, does that feel good? Think just barely dipping the tip of your finger in after you’re aroused and wet. Anything?
This is something that I experienced for about the first five years of having PIV sex. It didn’t really feel like anything and in fact made clitoral stimulation also feel like nothing if the two were happening at the same time.
I think the main thing that I did to start feeling vaginal pleasure was that I started to try masturbating in my usual way, but with a dildo inside me that I wasn’t moving. I found that I liked to squeeze around the dildo, not because it felt particularly good yet but because squeezing my muscles in that way helped me to orgasm. Eventually I began to figure out that there were very small motions that I could make with the toy that felt good and eventually I was able to translate that into PIV sex with a partner. Now I by far prefer a combination of penetration and clit stimulation whether by myself or with a partner.
I know you said that you’ve tried a ton of different things, so maybe you’ve tried this as well, but I just wanted to put it out there. Anecdotally, I’ve heard from several other women who used to not like penetration but learned to feel pleasure from it over time – including [this blog post](https://heyepiphora.com/my-vagina-is-a-black-hole/), which inspired me. I think the common threads seem to be that it takes time and patience and kind of slowly associating penetration with pleasure and positive sexual experiences. I’m sorry that this has become a negative and stressful thing for you! I know it’s not very helpful to tell you to stay positive, but I do think that the more pressure you put on yourself, the more difficult it’s going to be.
I’m happy to share more about what worked for me if you’re interested. Good luck!
I’ve given birth vaginally twice and it made sense why women don’t have many nerve endings in the vagina itself. Nature made the vagina for conceiving and delivering babies and the clit for pleasure.
It’s an unfortunate fact of life (and bloody unfair, I agree) but it is a fact, *many* women feel little or no pleasure from vaginal stim. You’re not alone. It also feels like rubbing the inside of my cheek, although I do get emotional pleasure from penetration with my husband.
Some people are short, some are tall. Some have blue eyes, some have attached earlobes.
It sounds like you’ve done a great job of troubleshooting your orgasm pathway. Since you’ve no: typical problematic medications, no anxiety going in to sex, no fear of using lubricant, no lack of warmup activity – it might be that this is how your body is built.
And that’s ok. Your body is lovely, you are clearly smart and ambitious, and if your body just wants to be eaten and clit-rubbed to cum, while penis in vagina is solely an intellectual turn on, then that’s ok.
I’m 100% the same way and the internet has no answers. It’s always the same advice, and none of it works. Sex is like nothing to me, I could be playing angry birds on my phone the whole time. I think it’s all because of my tiny clit though, which isn’t your problem so I have no idea. It’s not fair, because I’m such a sexual person and I want to enjoy but I just can’t, physically. I feel like I’m missing out, and I worry it will really cause problems if I get into a relationship, because I’d only be having sex for him.
Just wondering, have you tried anal penetration? I have a friend that feels nothing with vaginal but loves anal, the prep is a pain, but if you can’t orgasm otherwise I guess it’s worth it?
I used to masterbate allot, and I don’t have all the feelings I used to have before I masterbated regularly. So I have to take a dick pill every time we have sex. Because it’s there, then it isn’t. Goes up goes down even faster. And some of it was because of the porn you know that I watched, I wasn’t being stimulated like I wanted. Or it wasn’t as tight as I can make it. And maybe this isn’t you at all. But I know by talking to my wife stopping all that other shit has really improved the nerve so I can feel again, it’s not a lot but it’s more than what I started with. Just saying maybe it’s because of a connection issue?
You can try to train your vaginal muscles. It can increase sensitivity due to increased blood flow.
It took awhile for me. It’s like I felt nothing in my 20s and even early 30s then something changed. I really get nothing out of just being pounded though, at least not right off the bat. I like a slow build up and definitely g spot stimulation. Took me forever to figure all this out though. You’re not alone.