I have a big fault that I always expect good in people, thinking that if I’ve done them good, they won’t do me bad. But growing up, I’m realizing that this isn’t really how things work. I actually started noticing this when I saw my own uncle and aunt’s behavior. As a kid I thought the world of them, but now that I’m older, I can notice how they’re always trying to cheat others, including our family, for money and property. My dad always told me to keep a distance from them, but I didn’t listen to his advice back then, thinking, how can someone betray their own, especially when it’s a blood relation now I understand how dumb I was.
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We don’t, at least not always. You’ll have a better chance if you know what motivates them.
you become aware over time, after noticing specific behaviors.
it takes time to be aware of these things though, usually.
People can be assholes, even to their own family.
Nobody can keep a good facade forever. When someone shows you who they really are, belive them
If someone is nice to you (and usually that person is not nice/ interested in you) ask yourself why this person changed behavior. If you can’t find valid reason that person usually wants something from you. Also, never ignore person’s reputation. If the reputation is bad you can still deal with them, but keep conditions strict and protect yourself
I’m working on this as well. I am taking things more at face value. Looking at situations and taking them exactly how they are presented in front of me, instead of how my brain interprets it. My brain always wants to see sunshine and rainbows even when there aren’t any. So when someone says something or does something, I dont insert a pretty narrative. People love to show you who they are, I just pay more attention now.
I believe there are some cases where this is very straightforward, and then other cases where it’s very complex. Listening to your gut is probably a good rule of thumb, but not necessarily a surefire way to tell.
There are some people who are very loyal and trustworthy, for example, but who are quiet and take time to trust others themselves, and this can sometimes be misinterpreted as the person withholding something such as a bad intention.
Meanwhile, there are other people who can’t ever be trusted, but who are masters of communication, emotion, and acting. This can lead to a scenario where you don’t realize until much later that you didn’t really know them at all.
Then you can also factor in people who have various neurodivergent conditions and/or behavioral quirks due to past trauma, and these folks can present very differently from how they actually feel internally or what they truly intend.
There are also people who I truly believe don’t even know their intentions themselves, and this might be the most complicated because there is reality no predictability to what might happen next.
Long story short, in real life it’s probably always a “shades of grey” situation. Furthermore, I personally believe that in most cases we can do okay by trusting people for the most part, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, and moving on from people if they eventually prove themselves untrustworthy.
Its pretty difficult to become aware of their actual intentions, meaning why people do the bullshit they do. Generally the best you can do is just figure out who they are, avoid them, and not really concern yourself why they do what they do.
The straight way to check is, lend or safe keep money ( the amount you are ok to lose) and see what they do.
2. Give a responsibility of managing your life situation and see how they execute. ( taking care of a teenager or a kid, managing an event)